A Glimpse Inside

There are times in my life when I wonder what God is doing with me. It seems that the tests and trials come in waves, crashing in on me all at once. I have come to realize, though, that blessings always follow close behind!

There is so much going on right now in my life, heart, mind and soul. I am building relationships with new friends, having struggles with old ones and seeing that Jesus is the only Friend who will never let me down.

As I face new areas of growth, trusting God has once again been taken to a new level for me. His ways are not mine and I have no control over anything. He calls me to follow after Him and obey. I cannot look to the right or the left to see if others are obeying Him. My concentration needs to be on the battle that is in front of me.

Last night I had a wonderful, yet painful, breakdown. And, yes, it did include crying. I recognized that I have been more stressed about a couple of things than I realized. The burdens I have been carrying during the day, along with sleepless nights has resulted in a girl who is tired, distracted, unhappy and sad.

I know this is not the last time I will feel grief, pain and heartache, but I feel a freedom today that I have not had in several months. The truth of these verses and the call to obey them is what gave me such peace:

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 5:7-11

Cast my anxieties on Him and leave them there. I am free to be self-controlled and alert when I am not lugging around my burdens. The enemy is ready to destroy me and if I am overwhellmed with concerns then I leave myself weak and vulnerable to his attack. My brothers and sisters around the world are suffering from anxieties of all kinds too, so if I stand firm then maybe others will have the courage to do so as well! I will suffer because Christ suffered, it is apart of life, and yet it is only for a little while. He will restore me and make me strong, firm and steadfast. All of this is for His glory because He alone has the power to transform my anxieties and make them something useful for His name sake!

For Real Now

Several weeks ago I wrote a pathetic post about what is happening in my life. I really wanted to write more, but I lacked creativity and time. There are many things to tell you, my readers (Whoever that would be), about what is happening in my life and family.

Vocal
Friday, April 13, 2007 my brother, Ben, won the vocal competition at the Northeast Artists Guild Expressive Arts Conference. See more info at his blog site: Ben Zornes' Band or here.

Bones
Two broken bones in 12 hours is not a family record I would recommend trying to beat. Three Wednesdays ago my brother Timothy, 11, crashed on his scooter. Take your hand and bend it back like you are trying to grab your elbow. The curve from arm to hand is where Timothy landed. He has a buckle break just above the wrist where the bones, both of them in his arm, broke from the pressure that was felt on both sides- wrist hitting ground and body falling on top. OUCH. The doctors thought that there was possibly a need to put him to sleep and rebreak it. Thank God this was not the case! He is casted and on his way to healing!

Guess what we learned through this? God designed, in His infinate wisdom, for the body to compensate the break by replacing the gap in the bone and disolving the excess bone. Let me explain. When you break a bone there can be a number of degrees that the break angles. Timothy's was 15% and angled down. The arm will heal with this curve. Then the body grows more bone on the side where the angle is acute and then disolves the excess bone on the obtuse angle. Make sense?

So, the Thursday morning after Timothy's accident, my grandma fell down the stairs and broke her shoulder. My mom has been a great daughter and has made numerous trips to Cheyenne to help my grandparents over the last four months. She has become a doctors' office visit specialist this year with three surgeries, stiches in my sister and Timothy's broken arm! Thanks, mom, for all you do! :-)

Of Bikes and Mattresses
Tax return. I do not know what that phrase stirs in your heart, but I know it creates excitement in mine. For some reason I think that tax returns are to be spent. The whole year I am dilligent to save. I make sure I have reserve for large purchases or emergencies. So, if the government has taken more money than need be and in my mind that money is already gone, why save it when they finally give it back?

This year I decided to use my return for several "large" purchases, which are: a mountain bike, helmet, nice tennis shoes, a wave enhancer (like a perm) and a mattress.

The last 6 months I have been convicted in regards to several areas of my physical life: health and money. God has constantly been showing me that great men and women of the faith kept these two areas of their lives under tight control. They ate healthy, excersised, gave away money, prayed over money, etc. So, with my tax return I decided it was a perfect time to get resources that would encourage me to get into shape.

Jogging is out of the question for me, but I absolutley love to ride. A while ago I told my dad that I wanted to get new tires, new breaks and a new seat on my Huffy (Walmart) bike that I have had since I was 13. He smiled, "Jaclyn, you might as well get a new bike!" So, I did a fair amount of research on the type of bicycle I wanted.

I discovered that I wanted: a mountain frame (thicker, sturdy, wide tires), 10-24 speeds (for a variety of terrain), hand breaks and shocks. On top of THAT I wanted it to be, obviously, in good condition and of a reputable sporting brand. AND under $100. Sure, go ahead and laugh. It is funny if you know anything about bicycles.

I mentioned to a friend of mine at work that I was looking for a new bike. She said that she had been wanting one too! So, we began the hunting togther. The day she asks me if I want to go to Play It Again Sports, a used sporting goods store, I was in a dress. We arrive and I see it. The bicycle of my dreams right there in front of my eyes. We gawk, admire and inspect. And gawk again when we see the price: $59.99. Since I am in a skirt she test rides it around the parking lot. We decided that one of us will definately use it and if not we will resell it for $100. Ah, I love capitalism! I took it home that night for a test-ride. I fell in love. I told her so the next day at work and she said that it was mine!!!

It has all of the specs that were on my wish list. The picture above is from the Giant Bicycle website and looks almost like my bike except mine has shocks! The price tag on this machine brand new is $500-700!

The idea for a new mattress comes from the desire to rest better. My back and neck have been killing me lately. I am not sleeping well because I have a spring sticking into my hip. Yet, is this complaining? Hudson Taylor and great other number of missionaries GOT RID of their mattresses in order to prepare for the field. Am I wanting the new mattress for selfish reasons or Christ-exalting desires?

Anyway... there are several over due update bits. There is a ton more to tell, but for fear of loosing your interest I will stop there. :-)

Unusual Me

I chose pink for the background of my blog? Could it be? Was it me? Who kidnapped Jaclyn and switched brains with her? Hahaha... We'll see how long it lasts.

Me who? What?

I think it is high time for a casual, update post about my life.

What is there to say, though???

*** ADDITION: ***
Ann Marie wants me to mention that I am hilariously funny.

I work.

I eat.

I sleep (barely).

I ponder deep things.

I am reading the Cost of Discipleship (still).

I finished Looking Back by Husdon Taylor.

I am studying what God has to say about divorce and remarriage.

I long to travel overseas.

And people are wondering when I will get married.

My mom wants grandchildren.

The End.

The Cost

"When Christ calls a man,

He bids him come and die."
~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer~

I am slowly making my way through Dietrich Bonhoeffer's The Cost of Discipleship. When I have more time to think and write I shall give you a more inside view into my thoughts. For now, though, I will just give you highlights from chapter one.

~Cheap grace is the deadly enemy of our church. We are fighting to-day for costly grace.

~Cheap grace means grace as a doctrine, a principle, a system.

~Cheap grace mean the justification of sin without the justification of the sinner.

~Costly grace is the treasure hidden in the field; for the sake of it a man will gladly go and sell all that he has.

~Such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it costs a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life. It is costly because it condemns sin, and grace because it justifies the sinner. Above all, it is costly because it cost God the life of His Son: "you were bought at a price" and what has cost God so much cannot be cheap for us. Above all, it is grace because God did not reckon His Son too dear a price to pay for our life, but delivered Him up for us. Costly grace is the Incarnation of God.

~As Christianity spread, and the Church became more secularized, this realization of the costliness of grace gradually faded. The world was Christianized, and grace became its common property.

~I need no longer try to follow Christ, for cheap grace, the bitterest foe of discipleship, which true discipleship must loathe and detest, has freed me from that.

~The price we are having to pay to-day in the shape of the collapse of the organized Church is only the inevitable consequence of our policy of making grace available to all at too low a cost.

~The word of cheap grace has been the ruin of more Christians than any commandment of works.

Soak that in. More to come...

I'll Cry Glory

Three of the four members of the Ben Zornes Band, Ben Zornes, Caleb Lane and Greta Dittmann, as well as two moms(not pictured above), Momma Zornes and Momma Lane, are in New Jersey!

They are attending a singer/songwriter competion and conference. This morning Ben performed three of his songs in competitions and will do another two this afternoon. He will also compete in a vocal session as well.

Pray that he does well and that the judges will have favor on these three, that people would be drawn closer to the glory of God by their songs and that Jesus would be magnified!

For more information and updates from the band visit:

BZB Band

Dear Katie!

Pampered Americans

There are some things that, seriously, are done or found "only in America," such as:

25 kinds of peanut butter

because you know some people cannot just have

Creamy but need

Extra, EXtra, EXTRA

Creamy

while others only like

Extra, Extra

Creamy

or

A Starbuck's Coffee on every corner

since driving 5 more minutes to get a

$5

cup of coffee would be unthinkable you know!

(and it would be even worse

to just drink Folgers)

or

You always hear, "Look how much I saved!"

and you spent $1,000 to save $50?

Oh yeah, makes sense to me...

+ + +

This weekend I went to a Pampered Chef party. I like their products. I want their products. I own some of their products. I could spend a lot of money buying their products. I have friends who own ALL of the products.

Seriously, though, do we need an "avacado" colored knife that costs $16?

There are gadgets, tools, spoons, knives, cutters, slicers, dicers, bowls and pans for everything. You can wash, dry, chop, and serve your salad in one bowl. (Ooooo, ahhhh!) It could probably eat it for you too. Slight exaggeration, I know...

And the PRICES. I have not been to a Pampered Chef party in a couple of years so I forgot how ridiculously priced these kitchen toys are! I know that some people would try to tell me the old, "You get what you pay for" thing, but that doesn't work with me. The Walmart spatula for $1 works just fine AND if it does break I can buy a replacement 12 times for the price of one from Pampered Chef (which equals $12 by the way- for a spatula!).

I could go on. You get my point, right?

+ + +

It burdens and grieves me that we dump so much money into frivolous things. I am definately guilty, as we all are, so do not think I am just frowning on Pampered Chef products.

What about $200 car payments? (or $300, or $600)
Clothes that HAVE to come from designer stores? (when thrift stores have great variety!)
Spending $8 for a salad when eating out? (when that same price could by a week of salads)
Budgets for Starbuck's? (someone I know has a monthly $50-$100 budget for Starbuck's)

It is everywhere in our culture. From childhood the materialistic part of the secular worldview is impressed into our minds so that it all seems normal. We are so good at justifying and rationalizing our expenses that we cannot even see the wastefulness behind it all. We can explain away the reasons why we had to make certain decisions and purchases.

Christians are just as prone to materialism. We unbiblically call possessions blessings while pouring our lives into serving them. Our children have to do soccer, ballet and music lessons. We buy new clothes and eat the best food. Of course we need to keep up with the world so we also own the latest in technology, see all the new movies and try all the new restaurants. American Christians find tithing difficult. A missionary speaks at church and if we are in a good mood we might find $10 to give him. (Meanwhile the parking lot is full of new cars.)

I am not calling for a "sell all you have and live in poverty" kind of Christianity. That mindset, while I have met those who believe it, is not Biblical either. Rather, I desire for people who claim to know Jesus to be wise with what God is lending them. Nothing is ours in this world. We can take none of it with us when we die. There is a spiritual war raging around us. A war for Christ-likeness. A war for souls.

What does history display about how people handle money during a war? Every penny counts. Cash is hidden between matresses. People are careful, not frivolous. Old cars must be driven in order to feed the family. New clothes are not an option. And people are content because they know their countrymen are fighting for the freedom of the nation.

My plea is for a Biblical, war-like lifestyle. What if we all lived in such a way, being so careful and deliberate with our money that...

... missionaries had all they needed?
... the homeless were fed?
... our pastors could focus on ministry?
... orphans were in homes?
... wives could stay at home?
... Bibles were translated into every language?
... missions organizations were fully funded?
... no one was on welfare?
... no one was hungry?
... everyone had warm clothes?

... everyone had the opportunity to hear the name of Jesus?

Do these issues matter to us as followers of Jesus? They should! It matters to Him.

They should be of more value to us than new clothes, nice furiture, cool cars and eating out. A desire to see these become reality should so burden our hearts that we ARE WILLING to sell all we have to see them come to pass.

The problem, though, is that we have cheapened grace. Grace too has become a possession that we buy, own and sell. Dietrich Bonhoeffer in his book, The Cost of Discipleship, states,

This cheap grace has been no less disastrous to our own spiritual lives. Instead of opening up the way to Christ it has closed it. Instead of calling us to follow Christ, it has hardened us in our disobedience. Perhaps we had once heard the gracious call to follow Him, and had at this command even taken the first few steps along the path of
discipleship in the discipline of obedience, only to find ourselves confronted by the word of cheap grace. Was that not merciless and hard? The only effect that such a word could have on us was to bar our way to progress, and seduce us to the mediocre level of the world, quenching the joy of discipleship by telling us that we were following a way of our own choosing, that we were spending our strength and disciplining ourselves in vain- all of which was not merely useless, but extremely dangerous. After all, we were told, our salvation had already been accomplished by the grace of God. The smoking flax was mercilessly extinguished. It was unkind to speak to men like this, for such a cheap offer could only leave them bewildered and tempt them from the way to which they had been called by Christ. Having laid hold on cheap grace, they were barred for ever from the knowledge of costly grace. Deceived and weakened, men felt that they were strong now that they were in possession of this cheap grace- whereas they had in fact lost the power to live the life of discipleship and obedience. The word of cheap grace has been the ruin of more Christians than any commandment of works.

Grace is costly. It cost Jesus His life. It will cost your life.

"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

Matthew 10:37-39

7But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

15All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. 16Only let us live up to what we have already attained.

Philippians 3:7-16

11For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. 12It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, 13while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, 14who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.

Titus 3:11-14

6But godliness with contentment is great gain. 7For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 8But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. 9People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. 10For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

11But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. 12Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. 13In the sight of God, who gives life to everything, and of Christ Jesus, who while testifying before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you 14to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, 15which God will bring about in his own time—God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, 16who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To him be honor and might forever. Amen.

17Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. 18Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. 19In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.

1 Timothy 6:6-19

+ + +

Some may say, "What's the big DEAL, Jaclyn, it's JUST Pampered Chef!"

I would answer, "How many things are we going to excuse before we FULLY surrender to Christ? It's just a movie. It's just one drink with dinner. It's just a kiss. It's just a sermon. How many?"

Grace was too costly for me to waste my life with excuses. Money is the resource God has given me to bless others with food, clothes, housing... and most importantly... a way to hear that Christ is their treasure!

I want to live to prove that Christ is more precious than life! This conviction will permiate every area of my life and leave none as they were before. I must destroy the secular worldview inside of me whether it is the culture I have grown up in it or not. I have to be conformed to the likeness of Christ. If our whole lives are focused on getting and maintaining possessions then we will look like everyone else in the world. Jesus then becomes apart of life and not life ITSELF. If He is not treasured by us then why would anyone else treasure Him?

Nice houses, cool cars and fat bank accounts will never point people to Jesus.

*Disclaimer: The author claims NO perfection in the aforementioned topic. God is severely convicting her in regards to her monetary wastefulness. She is disgusted by Christians who waste so much money when she herself is exposed to so much world-wide need. She does not want to be one of those people, even though she is disgusted by herself so many times...

Dear Hanna!

Bumper Cars

"We demolish arguments and every pretension

that sets itself up against the knowledge of God,

and we take captive every thought

to make it obedient to Christ."

2 Corinthians 10:5

I have seen two interesting and infuriating bumper stickers in the past week. The first is just dumb and dishonoring:

God was my co-pilot.

We crashed in the mountains.

I ate him.

and the second one is fascinatingly false:

God is too big to fit into one religion.

If people would stop and think logically they would see what stupidity they are believing. As I thought about the message this person was trying to communicate, three possibilities came to mind: one, they are just trying to tell Christians that they are wrong for saying there is only ONE way, or two, they are one of those who says to tolerate all religions because every religion leads to God in the end. The third and only other option is that they truly believe it. As I said, logically, it does not make sense. (Logic these days, though, has been thrown out the window and replaced with relativism. Personally I see it as an excuse to not have to think hard.)

The religions of the world are continually in conflict with each other. Not all of them believe the same about God, His nature and His purpose in the world. If there is only one God, (and there is only one) and He was in all religions, then He would be going against Himself all the time. Which, is impossible for God to do by the very definition and nature of "God."

God is simple. He is simple because He knows all and understands all. He cannot learn, change or be controlled. In His simplicity He cannot be divided. A divided being can be studied and somewhat explained in the divisions. A complex being, like humans or trees, can be divided (anatomy, biology, philosophy, etc.) and be explained. In His simplicity He is incomprehensible.

It is only by His mercy that we even know the mystery of His existence. The Scripture makes it perfectly clear that He revealed Himself to us (Romans 16:25-27; Ephesians 1, 3, 5; Colossians 1, 2, 4, etc.). He then sent His Son and told us that the ONLY way to Him was through His Son, Jesus (John 14). THAT is the one religion that God chose to give us. He does not "fit" into it because He IS the Creator.

It (religion) is our access to God not His (God's) limitation.

And in that access there can only be one way that is right in order for God to not contradict Himself. That "religion" is faith in the Messiah, Jesus Christ, who:

"being in very nature God,

did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,

but made himself nothing,

taking the very nature of a servant,

being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man,

he humbled himself

and became obedient to death—

even death on a cross!

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place

and gave him the name that is above every name,

that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,

in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,

to the glory of God the Father."

Philippians 2

So, bumper stickers, say what you may. You are setting yourself up against the knowledge of God (2 Corinthians 10:5, verse above). One day those who displayed you will bow before the One True God and all things will become very clear to them.

I pray that they are awakened to the beauty and majesty of the One True God before they meet Him face to face!

(Who, by the way, is no one's CO-pilot...)

Don't Waste Your Life

I am currently reading Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper.

I have two words for this book:

1- CONVICTING

2- AMAZING

I bought this book in 2004 shortly after it was published. Usually I soak up Piper's writing like a sponge, but this time it was difficult for me to find interest. I read a page here and there, skimming chapters and setting it aside for months at a time.

Last June I decided to read it... or at least try again. This time it was like water to a thirsty soul, milk for a crying baby, paint for a painter, oil for a mechanic... ok, well, you get the idea.

It was EXACTLY what I needed to read.

The job at American Family Insurance, although I loved what I did and who I worked with, was not filling my deep passion for missions. My heart was in a far off place and my mind said, "You are wasting time." For several years I pleaded with God to give me the desire of my heart to serve Him in missions. I volunteered here and there, taking trips, researching and going to classes. Still, I longed for something more.

In October, my family was at a crisis point financially. Dad had been without a job for almost a year. We were dipping into savings to pay the mortgage. My job at American family was strictly part-time and not pulling in enough to cover what we needed. Therefore, we began discussing the need for me to find a full-time job.

All the while I am reading Don't Waste Your Life. My plea deepens with God as I beg, "PLEASE, God, I do not want to work full-time and waste my life! I know we need the money, but I want missions. I want to furhter the name of Christ AND get paid to do it!" An impossible request in my mind at that time. I am sure God was smiling as He replied, "Just wait."

During this time my dad had applied for a regional manager position at an organization called Initiative360. As he discussed the job with the recruiter she inquired, "The HR manager at Initiative360 met your daughter this spring and was wondering if she needed a job." At first we thought it was a joke. It was not. They could not hire my dad, but had a matrix job to offer me with Initiative360 and OMF International. (See previous posts here and here and here!)

I began the initial stages of talking with the recruiter. I created a resume, filled out an application and waited. Several options began pouring in, non of which seemed to fit what my family was needing: raise my own support, a student stipend, etc. I needed a full-time job that would help pay the bills. Period. Missions organizations are not known for their pay, but I knew that God would provide what I needed when I needed it.

I was ready to turn the job down with the information I had been given when I talked with the recruter one more time. "So, if I understand this correctly, I will be making $-,--- and can raise my own support above and beyond that?" "Oh, no," she answered, "you will be getting a salary that is $-,--- a month." Now I had to reconsider everything from a positive perspective!

Was it a reality that I could make this money AND work for a missions organization? Was this money enough for what my family needed? Could I leave my job of seven years and dear co-worker Katie? What about the 45 minutes drive, extra gas and long hours?

All the while God is prodding my heart and reminding me, "Jaclyn, why do you quesiton with human logic when you KNOW this is a direct answer to the prayers you have prayed the last 3 years? Did you think that there would not be some kind of cost and sacrifice involved? Take this job. You will not be wasting your life..."

So, here I am, reading Don't Waste Your Life again and I am reminded of God's faithfulness to me as well as my journey of spiritual growth last fall. I am where He wants me to be and it is such a wonderful reality. I am amazed at how He answered my prayers- financially and spiritually!

My favorite chapters in Don't Waste Your Life are five and nine. Here are the chapter titles:

5. Risk is Right- Better to Lose Your Life Than to Waste It
9. The Majesty of Christ in Missions and Mercy- A Plea to This Generation

First, I have to say, ONLY John Piper can have chapter titles like that!
Second, you want to read the book now, I am pretty sure.
Third, don't waste your life.

Until Death Do Them Part

Drink in the beauty of this picture...

I will tell you a precious, tear-producing, heart melting story soon.

I have never met this aged, frail couple, and will not meet her, now, until my death is upon me.

In this picture you see Mr. and Mrs. Burns Bornes. She passed away just this Saturday. I did not know she had died when I posted this picture on Sunday. My account will be all the more beautifully painfully to recount because she is gone.

In my last post, "Life and Death by Ministry," I introduced you to retired OMF missionaries who now reside at an assisted living home called Lammermuir. Burns is, and Rachel was, among those servants who are slowly passing away.

Burns and Rachel left all and followed Christ to East Asia. They were missionaries when it was not as "easy" as it can be today. It was dangerous. It was expensive. It was risky. And they loved every minute of it. I have yet to hear their whole story, so I only know bits and pieces of what their life has become in the last 2 months.

Just 6 weeks ago Rachel's health was failing so quickly that the care-givers at Lammermuir realized it was time for her to be moved to the nearby nursing home. JoLene, primary administrator of Lammermuir, says that Burns and Rachel are still as vibrant, in love and gracious with one another as they must have been 50 years ago. She knew the news of Rachel's move would be devistating.

So she concluded that she must tell them seperately, first Rachel, then Burns. I do not know details here... but when JoLene told our staff this story we shed many tears. Once Burns was told that Rachel would be staying at the nursing home, not coming back to Lammermuir ever, he cried. He walked out of the room to where Rachel was.

Hardly able to walk without excruciating pain, Rachel stood and as quickly as she could, moved to Burns. He covered the distance faster than she and they embraced. And they cried.

Wrinkled. Frail. Aged. After nearly 70 years of marriage they would soon be seperated.

Once Rachel was moved to the nursing home Burns called people every day to ask, "Can you take me to Rachel?" Thankfully, many faithful people did.

He sat by her side, talked to her and came home alone each night. She could no longer eat. Her body refused all liquids. She was slowly dying.

Burns did not want to believe what he was hearing when the doctors began to say, "Only a few more days." The pastor, who took Burns to see Rachel, overheard Burns asking her, "Do you still love me? I love you." He made his customary bird calls by her window and she smiled.

She died in her sleep Saturday morning.

Many of you might have heard the new song by Mark Schultz called, "Walking Her Home." It makes me bawl now, for I can only picture Rachel and Burns. What love, what devotion and what faithfulness they had for eachother. You might as well cry too and read the lyrics:

Mark Schultz - Walking Her Home
From the album Broken & Beautiful
Looking back
He sees it all
It was her first date the night he came to call

Her dad said son
Have her home on time
And promise me you’ll never leave her side

The way she laughed, the dress she wore
He’d never felt like this before

Chorus:
He was walking her home
And holding her hand
Oh the way she smiled it stole the breath right out of him
Down that old road
With the stars up above
He remembers where he was the night he fell in love
He was walking her home

Ten more years and a waiting room
At half past one
And the doctor said come in and meet your son

His knees went weak
When he saw his wife
She was smiling as she said he’s got your eyes

And as she slept he held her tight
His mind went back to that first night

Chorus

Bridge:
He walked her through the best days of her life
Sixty years together and he never left her side

A nursing home
At eighty-five
And the doctor said it could be her last night

And the nurse said Oh
Should we tell him now
Or should he wait until the morning to find out
But when they checked her room that night
He was laying by her side

Oh he was walking her home
And holding her hand
Oh the way she smiled when he said this is not the end
And just for a while they were eighteen
And she was still more beautiful to him than anything
He was walking her home
He was walking her home

Looking back
He sees it all
It was her first date the night he came to call

Go ahead, it is ok to cry and when you do, pray for Burns.

NEXT POST:
Farewll Note from a Single Servant

Life and Death by Ministry

Several weeks ago I wrote two posts on ministry called Death by Ministry and Life by Ministry. Now, as the final train of thought regarding ministry, what do the two look like combined?

"For to me to live is Christ,

and to die is gain."

Philippians 1:21

Life is Christ. Death is gain.

Working for OMF International has allowed me an inside glimpse into the life and legacy of countless missionaries. Since Hudson Taylor founded China Inland Mission (which is now Overseas Missionary Fellowship- OMF) there have been many who have joined his vision to spread the gospel in Asia.

Some of these faithful men and women are now very old and "retired" from active missions for health reasons. They reside at an OMF assisted living center in Pennsylvania called Lammermuir. The average age is about 87.

Last week the woman who oversees the care of these missionaries came to our headquarters in Colorado to share the happenings at Lammermuir. She shared many stories about what it is like to live and care for so many elderly people, what she does and how tired she becomes. She rejoiced, though, over the reality that she has the opportunity to serve God's servants in their last days on earth.

These missionaries, in their youth, journeyed thousands of miles away from "home," when traveling was not as easy as it is now, to distant lands. They were instumental in starting churches, translating Scripture and praying for the nations to know Christ.

Now they are weak and frail physically. Mentally, many are still as sharp as they were 50 years ago. They spend countless hours praying for current OMF missionaries in East Asia. They told Jolene to tell us that they pray for us (OMF staff). They pray that we would have health, energy, courage, strength and wisdom. They pray that we will serve Christ with all that we have until our last breath.

And they wonder. They wonder in their old age if they did enough for Christ.

I cried through her whole account of these faithful men and women. Here they are, amazing missionaries from the 1940's who risked life, health and security, wondering if they did all they could.

Can you hear their plea, "DON'T WASTE YOUR LIFE!"

This is the climax of ministry- when life and death are combined. It is not just about death from old age, but death to self and a willingness to die physically for the sake of Christ. To LIVE is Christ and to DIE is GAIN!

Is this Christian life supposed to be seeking the American Dream? Has Christ called us to be "good" people, raise a nice family that goes to church, own a pretty house, make a average salary, retire at 65 and move to Florida where it is warm?

THAT is a tragedy.

Christ did not die so that we can live happy and comfortable.

Jesus said,

"Whoever would save his life will lose it,

but whoever loses his life for My sake

and the gospel's will save it." Mark 8:35

I would rather lose my life for the sake of Christ than waste it.

Irreplaceable Friends

At the Ben Zornes Band Concert Friday:

Me, Katie and Ann Marie

My mom posed us here... it was pitch black and we had no idea what we were doing!

Check it out!

Check out the Overseas Missionary Fellowship's NEW website!

OMF INTERNATIONAL

Can you find my name on it?

Pictures at Last!

Travel pictures... This was my third time flying out West over the Rocky Mountains and EACH time I am in AWE of the beauty!!! I had a connecting flight in Salt Lake City. The lake is HUGE!

So, we were really smart and did not get a picture of Dawn and I after the big SURPRISE at the door! Shame, shame... BUT it was a marvelous success because she was so shocked! So much, in fact, that she closed the door in my face. I shall never forget the look on her face!

One of the cutest babies in the world... besides my children (future of course!), my siblings and any of Matt and Dawn's other children! (I cannot wait to see an Esparza girl!)

The Saturday after Dawn's birthday we went to a hotel on the beach. It was incredibly foggy, but it was a delicious breakfast!

Judah and I in our jammies... he is such a ham for pictures!



Our "together" picture... almost a month behind us now. It was a wonderful trip. We were more relaxed this time, not sick and just being together! I want so much for them to come to Colorado and see my world, visit my people and go to my places! Someday, someday... that's what we always say!

I love you, Dawn, Matt and Judah!

Pop quiz time!

*DISCLAIMER* So, after having some of those closest to me take the quiz and "fail," I have to write a note... First, sorry to those of you who were not satisfied with your under 50% score. I admit that when I designed the quiz I choose answers that I ALL like or would use. Only one, for now, is the favorite. Second, thus the name "quiz" for you are tested between the given answers! I DID try to have one that was WAY off on each answer, you got to give me that! Third, I hope you learned more about me! So, let this be your warning, caution, disclaimer, whatever before YOU take the quiz! So this is me... Take my quiz! Take This Quiz See Scores Make Own Quiz

Are YOU a Coloradan (at heart)?

Everywhere, it seems, people are complaining or bragging about the weather conditions in their respective climate. Complaining there is too much snow; bragging there is so much snow. Complaining they do not have snow; bragging that it is warm. Yesterday we, those of us in the Rocky Mountain Front Range, received 5 more inches of snow. Some would say that as a complaint while others would say it boastfully.

Last week I would have complained. The week before that I was indifferent. In the week before that, I would have been bragging. Now, though, it is becoming normal.

Ice everywhere, ten foot buldoze generated snow mountains in parking lots, getting up extra early to scrape off your car, fighting traffic in low visibility, wearing three layers of clothes, drinking hot beverages at every meal, abiding in single digit temperatures and seeing WHITE where ever you look!

The snow Wednesday was beautiful. Ben, Ann Marie and I had a great time after the Chris Tomlin concert inspecting the individual snowflakes. It was the first time I have EVER been able to see, with my own eyes, the unique characteristics of individual snowflakes. It was so cold that they were not melting. They were sticking to the car window, giving us a perfect inspection field.

I cannot even begin to describe the beauty of what I saw. So I won't even try. All I will say is, "Blessed be the name of the Lord; He who created the monsterous galaxies in the universe also fashioned gazillions of snowflakes on Wesdnesady... and Thursday... and Friday. I love You, Creator!"

So, as a tribute to the state of Colorado, my home for 14 years and, if I may say so, the best state ever... please read on:

You know you are from Colorado if....

You'll eat ice cream in the winter.
(High temp yesterday was 16 and I had ice cream)

When the weather report says it's going to be 40 degrees, you shave your legs and wear a skirt.(Girls only, please! I saw a guy in shorts and flip-flops when it was 30 degrees last week...)

It snows 5 inches and you don't expect school to be cancelled.
(Unless there is 10 inches on the ground already... or 25 for that matter)

You'll wear flip flops every day of the year, regardless of temperature.
(Yep, pretty much)

You have no accent at all, but can hear other people's. And then you make fun of them.
(We don't have acccents, seriously, and we do tease a little...)

"Humid" is over 25%.
(We have to drink our humidity if we want it)

Your sense of direction is: Toward the mountains and Away from the mountains.
(If I EVER move someplace that is FLAT I will be LOST all the time. Everyone here says the same thing and if they lived somewhere else before having mountains they are not sure hoe they EVER got around without them. You never say, "Head west." You say, "Go towards the mountains.")

You say "the interstate" and everybody knows which one.
(Until I read this I had never thought about it, but it is incredibly true. The funny thing... there are a dozen interstates around, but somehow we just know!)

You think that May is a totally normal month for a blizzard, and you grew up planning your Halloween costumes around your coat.
(Hahahahahahaha... yep)

You know what the Continental Divide is and you have been there- several times.
(And you frequently talk about "the passes" and know in general where they are.)

You were tear gassed at college and you can't even remember why....something about football...
(HA HA. If you do not get that, you are not from Colorado.)

You've gone off-roading in a vehicle that was never intended for such activities.
(SO true!)

You own an SUV. Or two. Or three. And you brag or complain about gas mileage.
(Our household only has one.)

You always know the elevation of where you are.
(Of course... who doesn't? Elevation where I am at right now is 5,544 feet above sea level. Where I live is 5,670 feet above sea level.)

You wake up to a beautiful, 80 degree day and you wonder if it's going to snow tomorrow.
(In the fall and spring it is possible... and I have warn shorts one day, sweaters the next and shorts on the third day.)

You get frustrated when people confuse Wyoming with Kansas, Nebraska, Colorado, or "one of those other big square states out west."
(YES.)

When you hear that the Chiefs and the Raiders are having bad seasons, you laugh uncontrollably.
(Well, maybe not me, but everyone else does. There are city riots between these fans and Bronco freaks too!)

Every movie theater has military and student discounts.
(Yep.)

Everybody wears jeans to church.
(Yep.)

It is common for your out-of-town guests to faint/throw-up from altitude sickness on a picnic to the mountains.
(Yep. Dawn, are you excited about coming to visit???)

When people out East tell you they have mountains in their state too, you just laugh.
(Pretty much.)

You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels "sticky" and you notice the sky is no longer blue.
(Ahhh... I love Colorado!)

You know how to get to Focus on the Family, Garden of the Gods, Boulder, all ski resorts, Casa Bonita and the 16th Street Mall.
(and, if you are a Christian you know how to get to Riverside Baptist Church! You remember Rick Ferguson and you know how, and when, he died.)

You know how to pronounce Berthoud, Genesee, Pueblo and Vail.

You laugh at people who have all matching ski gear and mutter, "Tourist."
(Lepard print outifts are my favorite and I mutter, "Californian." I love people from California, Dawn, but no one else wears lepard print gear.. save for maybe New Yorkers.)

You own 10 pairs of gloves, wool socks, 3 pair of long underwear and jackets to match anything.
(Just 10?)

If none of the above made sense to you, then you are probably not from Colorado!

Now, can anyone tell me what the proper order is for the following (they are not in order):
1- Scrape ice on windshield.
2- Brush snow off of windshield.
3- Brush snow off of hood.
4- Pull windshield wipers up off of windshield.
5- Start car.
6- Turn heater inside car on.
7- Turn defrost on.
8- Get in car to leave.

If you can put them in the right order you...
1- ...asked a Coloradan for help.
2- ...are really smart.
3- ...are a really good guesser.

I spent over an hour uploading pictures from my trip to California. Then, blogger decided to wipe them all out for me.

Nice, huh?

I will post more later, but all I have to say about my trip:

AMAZING!!!!!

Life by Ministry

I titled the last post, "Death by Ministry." I knew that may come across as harsh, cold and arrogant. So, I wanted to assure you that, although much pain and heartache is associated with "career" ministry, there is much life as well. This life cannot be experienced any other way than by serving people.

And that is what engergizes, motivates and encourages the pastoral heart.

When you are in ministry you see and experience things that no one else does. You sit bedside with the dying and the next moment craddle a newborn baby. You give pre-marital counseling and accept the divorced. You support weddings, attend countless graduations and do funerals. You comfort the grieving, rejoice with the celebrating, cry with the discouraged, smile with the newly engaged, facilitate programs, host parties, attend parties, go to countless conferences, retreats and concerts, travel the world and meet a ton of people!

Growing up in the home of a minister was normal for me and ministering to people was life. As a family we absolutely love serving people. I remember many times when we would get phone calls in the middle of the night with prayer requests, hospital runs and "It's a boy!" news. The week of "Vaction Bible School" was a nightmare for all church staff, though, for a staff member and their family might as well move into the church that week! Hahaha... good times. :-)

Now that my dad is not an official "pastor," it feels a tad strange. Yet, the more we are outside of the "job" of pastor, we see how much more freedom there is to do ministry! I can tell you, when your paycheck is attached to ministry, everyone feels the freedom to boss you around. Since my dad has been a property manager, he is free to serve without political church restraints. And serve he has been able to do! After two months at the new job he has had numberous employee hospital visits, financial counseling and went to a funeral.

A pastor like my dad and D. can choose to turn their back on ministry or they can realize that ministry is life- whether you are "employed" by the "local" church or not. When you have been called by God to minister to people the calling does not vanish when the church asks you to leave. No matter what humans, who are imperfect, say about a person's calling, God has a plan that cannot be avoided so easily.

The situation in the "local" church can be discouraging if you look at the politics. God has been gracious to me by allowing me to step outside the church for a while to watch THE Church. Now that I work at a para-church mission organization I am able to watch first hand how God is moving among the people's of the world and His global Church.

And She (the Bride of Christ) is beautiful. She is generous, loving, compassionate and kind. She cares for the poor, feeds the hungry, attends the sick, comforts the orphan and weeps with the widow. She is putting her life on the line to take the gospel where it is not allowed to go. She is translating the Bible into hundreds of new tongues. Many times she is unknown for her acts of bravery and kindness.

There is a silence betwen Hebrews 11 and 12 where the writer skips from his, as many call it, "Hall of Faith" to a general "cloud of witnesses." You and I are in that break until our death when we join the "cloud." The gap includes amazing people like Count Zinzendorf of the Moravians (if you don't know who that is, do some research), William Tyndale, Martin Luther, Amy Carmichael, Hudson Taylor, Jim Elliot and many more.

Several weeks ago I learned of a woman who died last March. My job for OMF International is to process the specialty donations we receive like estates, trusts and stocks. A week before Christmas I pulled a normal looking letter out of an estate envelope. The letter read as usual until I saw, "the percentage of this estate desiganted to you is: 100%." That was odd, since usually we are only allocated as 1% or 10%.

I read on and suddenly stopped, gawking. Did that really just say what I think it said? It detailed, "The balance of this account, as of (the date) is...$xxx,xxx.xx" Were there really that MANY numbers? I read and reread the letter to make sure I had correct reading comprehension skills. I began showing it to others in the financial department. We excitedly agreed- 100% MUST be 100% of THAT number!!!

The director of personel came up to ask a question and I showed him the letter. He about jumped out of his skin with excitement and laughed, "Let's go tell the leadership team right now, they are having a meeting!!!" He about drug me down tot he meeting, threw open the doors and bounced in declaring, "Jaclyn has something to share with you all!"

There I stood, letter in hand, gazing at the top leaders (about 15) of Overseas Missionary Fellowship. They stared at me curiously so, shaking with excitement, I began to recite the news. Right before I read the line with the amount I began to get teary. Great, I thought, here I am infront of all of these men crying! I looked up and I could see that they understood the seriousness of what I was reading. I smiled and continued.

When I read the amount a vast display of emotions erupted- some clapped, others shouted "Praise God" and the rest sat shocked with awe. For dramatic emphasis I read the last line again. The president motioned me to his side and I showed him the letter. I cannot even begin to describe the look on his face. I will never forget it as long as I live.

The question we all asked, "Who was Grace Chiu and why did she leave OMF her estate?" We began the detective work and discovered very little. All we knew at that time is that she called us three years ago to put us in her will. We finally found more information:

"Aside from what we already know: Grace and her family were originally from Hong Kong. Grace became a believer in high school in HK, coming to the US by herself to pursue undergraduate studies. After receiving her doctorate in chemistry a few years later she remained in the US in Pensacola, FL except for a brief time back in HK to teach. Lena and Grace's brother came to Canada at around the same time as Grace's coming to the US. Their parents followed and lived with Lena and her husband in Canada until their deaths. Grace visited them in Canada often over the years. Grace never married and had no children. She died of lung cancer after a 3 year illness. Upon learning of her illness, she retired and move to Toronto to be closer to her family. The vast bulk of her estate is represented by the OMF gift. OMF is well known to the family and it did not surprise Lena that we were named a beneficiary. The only surprise was that Grace did not also name the University of West FL or others. The endowment in Grace's name at the university was established by Lena and her husband."

Please visit this memorial website and rejoice with all of us at OMF:

Grace Chiu

Death by ministry. Life by ministry. Then there is the third combonation: Life and death by ministry, but I will save that for another post...

Death by Ministry

It has been a while since I posted something significant here. The holidays, blizzards, work and family have definately been keeping me busy! Did you hear that Colorado is to get yet another snow storm, number four, that could be WORSE than the first (that was 30")? Most of us do not believe it will really be that bad... but in Colorado, you NEVER know!

This holiday season marked one year since my dad was asked to resign from his associate pastor position at our church of seven years. The new senior pastor told my dad he did not have a call to ministry and did not fit at the church anymore. The deacons, many of whom had been my dad's supprt (or so we thought), stabbed him in the back with harsh words, verbal condemnation and social manipulation. In an instant we were asked to leave our church, friends and job. It was awful. We struggled as a family, for sure, with bittnerness, anger, pain, rejection, heartache and denial. We asked many questions like, "How could a body of believers do this?" "God, what is Your purpose?"

The last year has been a constant journey of faith. Many days we cried. Other days we worried where the next house payment would come from. Then we cried some more. We wondered if friends from the church would call. The phone remained silent. We heard through twisted grapevines that the church had been told we willingly resigned. Lies, of course. We cried some more.

Yet, God gave us divine strength to face unimaginable rejection.

You truly cannot understand the pain that a pastor and his family faces when those who they serve shoot them in the back. A pastor and his family will spend years pouring their love, life and soul into a church body and many times face rejection as the only "thank you."

Trust me, I know it is not the case for every church every where, but let me tell you something. In the last year we have had at least 5 pastor friends face the exact thing we went through. There are books, seminars and entire counseling offices dedicated to pastor's and their families who have been abused by the church. It is a real problem in the church today and until someone has the courage to stand up to the political pastoral abuse, then it will continue.

If you do not believe me yet, read this edited email my dad got YESTERDAY from a close friend: (I have put things in bold that are common things that happen when pastors are asked to resign)

Well, the other shoe fell here in PA. The perfect church (LOL) turned out not to be so perfect. After T. (his wife) finished doing the children’s musical on Christmas, I was called to the church on Dec 28th and they said you still have not improved and we have gotten complaints. Which he never told who the complaints were from. The last time I knew there was a problem was in September and then in Oct the chairman said the book was closed everything was good. Then bam.

My last day was Dec 28th. I was not even allowed to go to the church. They said turn over your credit card and keys. But of course the church was told I resigned. I totally understand how you felt now.

There are no words. Anyway, I thought I owed it to you to let you know. I can tell you that for sure I am done with the ministry. I will not put my family through this anymore. I can be a Sunday school teach with no pain and no hassles. The first church was bad but this time the Pastor had OCD. He wanted an older guy yet a guy who did not know anything or had not been around the block. Very strange. I know I have flaws, but I never expected this.

God Bless
A Fellow Persecuted Servant of the King,
D.

Unbelievable, huh?

Who gives the church the right to tell a man, who has been called of God to be a minister, to leave? There are secret meetings, backbiting, gossip, complaints and just like D. said- bam, they blind-side you with a request to leave.

Now, maybe one day when I am not so frustrated I will bring out Scripture... but right now I am incredibly burdened.

I am burdened for the Church who runs the body of Christ like a business- hiring and firing as if they are the CEO. I am burdened that there are elders and deacons running churches who are ill-qualified, not having their own homes in order and who cannot correctly handle God's Word. I am burdened for the children of our churches who are growing up with horrible examples.

When my mom and dad shared the email from D., you should have seen the look on my younger siblings faces. Then, cynically joking, Timothy said, "Sounds like how all pastors resign these days." An eleven year old said that. An eleven year old who has watched his dad face this kind of forced resignation.

I will get off of my soap box, for now, after I say one more thing.

God will hold the church responsible for how they follow (or don't) God's appointed leaders. In the same way, God will hold pastors responsible for how they lead (or don't) a church. God is a just God.

Treat your pastor's with respect- and never think your church is above political pastoral abuse. More happens behind close doors than you realize.

Things to Come

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

(see A Distant Thunder for my thoughts on the year past and the one to come!)

The Ben Zornes Band

Check out their websites at: BZ Band and The Ben Zornes Band

Ben's first acoustic single, "Holy God, Humble King," can be heard on The Ben Zornes Band MySpace. Once they reach 500 plays on this song then Ben will upload a portion of the second song. I am so excited for Ben as I watch him mature musically. The band, as a whole, is incredible too! Caleb is the world's best percussionist. Greta, the only girl, is doing FANTASTIC on the bass. Vince is a crazy good electric guitarist and accompany acoustic. Really, you cannot understand how good he is until you listen to him. There there is Ben. I AM biased, of course, since he is my brother, but I think he is the best singer/ songwriter/ guitarist ever!!!!!

I cannot wait to see where they go as a band. Pray that God will open doors to spread His fame. This band has a heart to proclaim God's glory to the nations. It is not about fame or fortune. Take it from someone who sees all four of these people on a regular basis.

It is about Jesus.

Blizzard 2006

December 20, 2006

HAPPY BIRTHDAY,

Victoria!

Did YOU order a blizzard???

Welcome to our neighborhood...

... we would love to have you come in...

...if we could open the door.

Timothy is building a tunnel in the five foot drift....

...and Samuel is saying, "We love Colorado!"

Ben becomes the sledpuller and Samuel is grateful. This picture is amazing, if you have been to our backyard, because right after where Ben is standing there is a little hill that continues to slope to the fence. In this picture it looks like it is flat and with the snowpack it almost is!

This is my favorite snowdrift picture:

The day after it quit snowing- notice the blue sky! We had 36" of snow in 36 hours and the next morning it is sunny and clear! This is one of the reasons I LOVE Colorado!!!

This is Ben using the snowblower the day after it stopped snowing.

This is our neighbor, Ryan, snowboarding off of a pile of snow (that was bulldozed into a mini mountain by a neighbor's truck). They were holding a rope that was attached to a snow mobile and launching themselves over the mound. Ok, so this is what we do with blizzards, ok? We ARE professionals here!

And last, but FOR SURE not least, is a picture of Samuel and I-