7:28AM- I awoke groggy, grumpy and tired. I had been up late playing a new game we are addicted to thanks to Scott. I drug myself to the shower, one eyes closed and one eye opened, hoping that Oliva and Maxi were done with the bathroom. They were still asleep.
FYI snip: Who are Olivia and Maxi, you ask? They are summer missionaries to Colorado through the North American Mission Board who are working with my parents at their new church in Broomfield. They are staying at our house this week.
7:47AM- Out of shower and downstairs for breakfast. Everyone was awake and either talking, laughing, screaming, arguing or whining. Our house is seldom quiet and yesterday was no exception. I ate breakfast, still grumpy, and got ready for work.
8:51AM- Leaving for work. I only live 7 minutes from door to door and so I WAS leaving on time! I listened to the Shane and Shane CD Carry Away and was deeply convicted for my morning attitude. I asked God to help me get through the day. (I had no idea what was ahead...)
8:59AM-5:16PM- At work, working mostly, but feeling a sense of tiredness and a weak spirit as the the afternoon drug on. Katie is out of town, thus the reason I am working full-time, and I desperately missed her company. I was not made to work in an office for eight hours a day, five days a week. (I work Monday-Thursday 9AM-1PM, and awesome schedule!) The weeks that I work extra I notice a progressingly more sour attitude in myself that I hate.
5:26PM- Arrive home. Dad beckons me upstairs where he is frantically cleaning the boys' bedroom. (An impossible task, I might add.) He tells me that my uncle Dan, his "significant other" Carleen and her daughters Rachel and Courtney were coming into town from Cheyenne tonight.
FYI Snip: Carleen was diagnosed with cancer two weeks ago. She was scheduled at that time for emergency surjury here in Denver. My mom immediately called and offered that they could stay with us this week. That was before she realized Maxi and Olivia would be at our house too! But, my uncle is not a believer and we have been praying for many years that God would give us a tangible opportunity to show him Christ's love. He has been resistant to spiritual conversation and mocks Christianity. Carleen, though, is a believer, which surprised us all when they began "seeing" eachother (haha, read previous post) a few years ago. When Carleen called yesterday and said they would stay with us my mom almost fell over, both with joy and shock! The opportunity had now come.
Honestly, I did not feel like helping get things ready for more guests. I felt the grouch monster easing its way back in and I felt like crying. Everyone was being annoying, loud and uncooperative. Truly, they were no different than usual but I was the one being the bear. I went about my duties robotically and without a smile.
5:27-7:11PM- All of us were frantically cleaning the house, getting dinner ready and moving Maxi and Oliva out of my bedroom so Carleen could sleep there. But where would we all sleep? The boys were being kicked out of their room for Uncle Dan, Jaclyn was already out of her room for the missionaries, now the missionaries were roomless and Victoria and Samuel needed to evacuate for Rachel and Courtney. The basement could comfortably house four and we could set up the tent in the backyard? No, tent was burried under the garage sale junk from two weeks ago.
Then I have a grand idea: Katie is out of town and I have the spare key to her apartment! I called Katie with the urgent request. She called me back an hour later saying the person housesitting for her was willing to leave early and we were most certainly welcome to use her place. Maxi, Olivia and I packed our bags!
7:12-10:07PM- We finished dinner, cleaned the kitchen and played a game of Settlers of Catan. Dan and friends were not set to arrive until 10:30PM. Maxi, Olivia and I loaded up and headed out to Katie's house. The car ride was unusually quiet. I knew exactly why I was not talking.
I was grieving. I was grieving because the Spirit of God was grieving inside of me. He was prodding around in my soul and He was hitting tender cords. Selfishness. Pride. Weariness. Unbelief. Disobedience. And it hurt. It hurt because I knew I had not been acting like Christ. It hurt because of all the times I should be joyfully obeying (in hopes that my uncle would come to know Christ through this trial and our hospitality) I was being miserable inside and out. It hurt.
I silently confessed my sins to the Lord and felt the burden released. I asked Him to use my sinfulness for His glory by making me more like Jesus. More like Jesus. More like Jesus!!! That is what I want and yet time after time I act like a slave to sin. It is for freedom that Christ has set me free. I am commanded to live as a free man who is a slave to Christ willingly and passionately. He, my Savior, GOD- who became the most unimaginable servant to me:
who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (from Philippians 2)
And so who am I to say I am tired? Who am I to complain about the annoyances of others? Who am I to grumble? What reason do I have for self-pity, arrogance, selfishness or frustration? None.
Praise be to God Who uses my weaknesses for His purpose. Praise be to God for His forgiveness when I am stupid. Praise be to God who remembers that I am dust! Praise be to God who calls me holy and blameless because of His Son. It is at these times that I am reminded why I need a Savior. I need a Savior because I sin. I need a Savior because I am unloveable on my own. I need a Savior because there is no good in me without Him. I need a Savior so that I can boast in Him.
Thank You, Spirit, for Your marvelous work in me. I could not walk through this life without You. Please, please, please... make me more like Jesus for I cannot do it on my own.
Please pray for Carleen, Dan, Courtney and Rachel today. Carleen is in surjury right now (11:30AM Mountain Time) and should be done any minute. Pray the God would give sight to the spiritually blind Dan, Rachel and Courtney through the trials they are experiencing.