Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Do I weep?

"Streams of tears flow from my eyes,
for your law is not obeyed."
~Psalm 119:136

When I read that it struck me full in the face.

Do I weep when God's law is not obeyed? Do I weep with such remorse when I do not obey God's law? Am I so sensitive to the Holy Sprirt that I grieve instantly when I wander? Do I look around the world and sob at the sinfulness of man?

I could try to pawn this off as a "figure of speech". Did the Psalmist really mean to cry physically or just be "burdened" inside? Should I really cry tears that spill over onto my face? What does it mean to have such repentance that "streams of tears" flow from my eyes?

When I read this verse I imagine all out weeping. Unrestrained sobbing from the soul. A soul so remorseful that it cannot control the tears of sorrow. It is not just being a little "teary eyed" that a tissue can wipe away. It is not a single tear trickling down the cheek. Weeping. Sobbing. Crying. Gut wrenching sobs that make your head hurt, your nose red and give you a head ache. I have experienced times like this in my relationship with God. But when? Once a month? Once every other month?

Oh, I do not weep as I should. Sure, I feel guilt. I am sorrowful by the sin that I see in my life. I am saddened at the sin in the world. I pray and ask God for forgiveness. I am gaining sensitivity to the Holy Spirit and I am more readily recognizing sins in my life.
But weeping? What about godly sorrow? This reminded me of 2 Corinthians 7:10-11, which says:

"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done."

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation AND leaves no regret. The first kind of Godly sorrow leads to repentance of sins and an initial belief in God. The second form of godly sorrow leaves no regret. This second kind of sorrow is what the Christian needs in His journey toward holiness. It is the sorrow that realizes I still sin and I still need a Savior. It is the sorrow that pushes me towards Christ-likeness! And look what that sorrow produces... Earnestness, clear mind, longing, concern and readiness...

Oh God, teach me to weep. Teach me the true meaning of remorse, Godly sorrow and repentance. Break my heart. Teach me to obey Your laws. Teach me to be like Jesus. I am so far from where I should be. Open my eyes. Spirit, I need Your help....

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