Jr. High Winter Camp

24 hours from now, Lord willing, I will be at the church preparing to leave for the Calvary Chapel Aurora Junior High Winter Camp!

The house is a mess, the laundry is half done, I am still in my pajamas (it is noon), my Bible has not been opened yet today and I have exactly 38 things to do before Joel gets home (in 5 hours).

My lesson last night went well (I think). I pray that the kids students (trying not to call them kids anymore) are thinking about what I said. Joel and I have so many desires for the youth group as we get involved more, but we also realize that change takes time.

Pray for us this weekend as we spend time with 200 people from four churches! Pray for safety on the road (four vans with winter conditions). Pray for me since this is the first time I go on a ministry trip with MY child in tow (SO fun to have a little family to do ministry!). Pray that Jeremiah does well and that the kids students do not smother him (too much)! Pray that we will all draw closer to the Lord and seek His will for our lives. Pray for Ben (my brother, yay!) as he leads worship and Joel (as well as the other men) as he teaches.

Have a wonderful weekend (find a way to serve the Lord)!

Wordless Wednesday

M is for: Monday, Ministry and Marriage

I LOVE Mondays now that I am a full time homemaker! The last 10 years I have dreaded Monday morning because it meant crawling out of bed, getting ready and heading to work.

The last six months I have spent Monday at home with Jeremiah, playing with him, cuddling with him, cleaning and doing laundry. I now find Monday to be one of my favorite days of the week!

I am thinking about writing a post every Monday about ministry or marriage. I cannot decide which one, so today I will do both!

Ministry
The last year God has worked in our hearts to pursue ministry full time. It has been a long process and I may share more details at some point! Needless to say, Saturday and Sunday are quite full now. Joel attends all three (soon to be four) weekend services at church. I serve at the early morning service on Sunday and we attend the second service together. It has been an interesting transition. I miss having all day Saturday to spend together.

Translation: I am selfish and miss having Joel all to myself.

God is teaching us that only what is done for Him and His kingdom are important. It is a blessing to be given the responsibility to minister to people. I love hearing the stories Joel is able to tell me about people he counsels. God is changing lives!!!

Why would I want my husband all to myself if he is able to do the Lord's work?

Marriage
Joel and I are not perfect. We do not have a perfect marriage. One thing you will never see on this blog and never in person is me criticizing or putting my husband down. (If you ever see it- confront me... seriously!) We made a promise before we were married that we would never do that. We must guard, with our lives, this precious marriage relationship that God has given to us.

I detest, even though that may be a strong word, when people make fun of their spouse, marriage, intimacy or anything related to marriage. There are, of course, funny things that happen between a husband and wife. There are funny characteristics about men and women that are laughable. I am not talking about good-natured teasing.

Marriage is a vulnerable relationship. Joel knows more about me, my weaknesses and my faults than anyone else. I trust that he will not expose my failures to anyone in anyway- seriously or joking about it. When I hear a husband or wife degrading their spouse in a light-hearted manor my blood starts to boil. It is not funny.

The world does a good job at degrading marriage. We should not be joining them. Marriage is a holy picture of Christ and the Church. We should do everything in our power to uphold that image to the world.

Think of the last argument you had with your spouse. Was it about something eternally important? Was it worth getting angry about? Were you being prideful and selfish?

Pray for your marriage regularly. Study the Word of God together. Do everything you can to cultivate the relationship you have with your husband or wife. Work on arguing less. Encourage one another more.

The Gospel of Jesus Christ is worth it.

Who I Am

Passionate is a word that could be used, I think, to describe me. I am also pretty opinionated about most things. Yet, at the same time, I am reserved and can be pretty quiet. I am not shy by any means, but just like to observe people before I jump into a conversation.

If you read my blog, though, you may be kind of confused and think I go around talking to everyone I meet the way I voice myself on this site. Welcome to the (wonderful?) world of blogging!

I seldom voice my opinionated thoughts with the average person I meet. You have to know me a long time, or bring the subject up yourself, before I would feel comfortable ranting in person about certain convictions or opinions I have. There are times I speak up when I feel it is crucial, but I would say those times are rare. Still, I have a lot of thoughts on a lot of subjects! I desire a place to not only voice them, but encourage others to consider everything as they follow the Lord. Welcome to the (wonderful?) world of blogging!

If I ever sound harsh or blunt please do not take it personally. Instead, be a person that knows why you believe, do and say what you believe, do and say! I am a real person with real struggles. I never want to hide those struggles as I am growing in God's grace. What comes out on this blog is from a heart that is working out her own salvation.

"Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure."
Philippians 2:12-13

Please continue reading. I have a lot I want to share with you.

"Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called "today," that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. For we have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original confidence firm to the end."
Hebrews 3:12-14

Jeremiah's Mommy

It is hard to believe that I am a mother. I dreamed all my life about having children and now I am the mother to an adorable little boy. He will be six months old in just a few days. He is growing and changing so quickly!

I love watching him study something new.

I love giving him a bath.

I love getting him up from his nap.

I even love changing his diapers.

Joel and I talk a lot about parenting. We want to be the best parents we possibly can be. I know I will make many mistakes (and already have). I have had a couple of days in the last six months where I seriously thought I was not fit to be a mother! It is exhausting in every possible way- spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically.

Jeremiah is starting to show signs that he has a sinful nature. It will not be too long (probably a week!) before we have to discipline him. I pray every day that God will give us wisdom. I want to be intentional in everything I do with him as we discipline, love and nurture him into an adult.

Everything matters when raising a child. I seriously believe that. Everything. Children are like sponges. They soak up what they see and hear. They are aware of our emotions, patterns, habits and desires. They understand more than we really give them credit for understanding! I know Jeremiah will not be perfect. I do not expect him to be. I know he will sin. I know that he will disobey. I know he will pick up all sorts of our bad patterns. He is human and we are, too.

Still, I never want to be a mother that makes excuses for any bad behavior. I cringe when I hear parents say things like, "Oh, it's just a stage they are going through" or "haha, he is going through the terrible twos." (Seems parents have an excuse for lazy parenting at every "stage"!) Christ died to set us free from sin! He died to make us like Himself. He left us on this earth to do HIS will. He wants to make us vessels that are willing to be used.

He did not leave me here to have cute kids. He did not leave me here to make sure my kids each have their own room, birthday parties, a Wii, nice clothes and gobs of toys. He did not leave me on earth to just raise a nice American family. What a waste.

He gave me Jeremiah, first, as a gift and blessing from His gracious hand. He gave me Jeremiah to sanctify me so that I am more like Christ. He gave me Jeremiah to raise in the fear of the Lord! He desires that Jeremiah know Him, serve Him and be a witness of the Gospel of Christ.

And me? I am Jeremiah's mommy. I get to spend my days raising him to be all God desires him to be!

Pride: The Childbirth Method

"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit,
but in humility
count others more significant than yourselves."

Philippians 2:3

God has been showing me areas in my life where pride has so easily and cunningly crept in to set up camp. The more I am sensitive to pride in my own the life the more I see it in everyone else as well (which can be both good- and- bad). Pride takes so many shapes and forms it is simply unbelievable.

A few weeks ago I was at Katie's baby shower and came home ranting to Joel about how pride and childbirth, when combined, can be so infuriating! First, though, a picture:

She is so CUTE pregnant!

Anyway.

Whenever you have a group of mothers together you will probably hear something about their children and chances are that sooner or later the topic of childbirth will surface. I am sure it has been this way for at least a couple thousand years. Now that I have been through the whole process of pregnancy, labor, delivery and five whole months of motherhood I can understand why it becomes the center of many conversations. It is an amazing and life-changing experience.

Yet, in everything, pride finds a way to wiggle itself into hearts and eventually out into conversation. We all have had our own experience and we want so desperately for others to understand why we did what we did in our childbirth.

Epidural vs. Natural. C-Section vs. Vaginal. Long labor vs. Short labor. Bradley vs. Lamaze. Doctor vs. Mid-wife. Formula vs. Breastfed. Hospital vs. Home Birth. And the list could go on and on.... and on.

It does not matter which side you fall on in any of the list above- you have pride about it! Those that did go all natural have pride that they did. People who did not go natural call those that went all natural the prideful ones and in that statement itself is a truckload of pride. I will spare you more of the types of comments I have heard from both sides! They are sometimes brutal!

I am not sure how to say what I am thinking without sounding incredibly harsh.

What if we, as women, learned to hold our tongue? What if we, when we feel slighted by another woman's childbirth story, would just listen? What if we applauded those who went all natural and listened to why some decided to have a c-section? What if we did not call people who get epidurals wimps and those who went without medication stuck up?

What if we prayed about all our decisions? What if we obeyed the Lord's will for our lives and then would confidently abide in His love? What if we were humble enough to just keep quiet?

When I think about my childbirth story I smile. I have so many precious memories in my heart and mind about that night. I am excited that God answered my prayers. I am incredibly thankful for my husband who cheered me on in the wee hours of the morning. And, I am SO grateful for a healthy baby boy.

There are some situations, like baby showers, where I wish I could tell my story without fear of being interrupted by those who have a different experience than me. I wish I could share my life without wondering what people would think. I wish I could give women advice without being seen as a childbirth nazi.

There are so many topics for women that we could discuss when it comes to pride. It may not be childbirth for you. It may be homemaking. Cooking. Time-management. Money. Appearance.

Take your pick.

Above all, I wish to see pride rooted out of my life because as a woman of God it has no place and is not welcome in my heart.

"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit,
but in humility
count others more significant than yourselves."

Philippians 2:3

Online Self-Centered Mess

Maybe you do not have a problem, like I do, with being self-centered. Thinking of others might come more naturally to you than it does for me. If that is your story, congrats, you are more like Jesus and I want to be like you. If I guess right, though, you probably think more highly of yourself than you ought.

I stand in the middle of a grand stage.

::Facebook, iPhone and Flip enter stage right::

::Myspace, iPod and Blogger enter stage left::

I believe that we can use these modern tools for the glory of God. I believe we can take something that is used for evil and turn the attention to God. I am not an advocate of locking oneself in a closet and never touching a computer.

There are days when I really, seriously, want to delete my Facebook page. Today, as you guessed, is one of those days. How self-centered can we be?

"Hey, world, me, me, me, I, I, I, look at how cute I am, look at my cute kids, look at my perfect life that is not so perfect because I either hide the truth or make it look worse than it is, and oh yeah I love God, too."

Really?

Joel is teaching though Philippians with the Jr. High students on Wednesday nights. I was feeling quite self-centered yesterday and then remembered he was teaching on Philippians 2. Great.

No, adjust attitude, GREAT! The Lord needs to work in my heart. The Lord needs to work in the lives of these students. We must cultivate humility or we will be in danger of thinking that God feels sorry for us. We may begin to feel like we need the world to look at us and applaud. We may begin to rely too much on Facebook notifications to fill our hearts with a fake sense of acceptance. We may begin to think the world revolves around us.

Do you love Jesus Christ more than anyone or anything?

Do you love Jesus Christ more than you love yourself?

Wordless Wednesday: A To Do List

The Body of Christ

I have been falling in love, all over again, with the Church. She is such a beautiful creation and I am grateful for her.

I am also so grateful for MY local church, Calvary Chapel Aurora, where I fellowship, serve and learn.

I am ALSO grateful for my pastor, Ed Taylor. He is imperfect, but we love watching him grow and obey the Lord! It encourages Joel and I to do the same!

He will often at the end of a service, when he is presenting the Gospel or challenging believers, feel like there is someone specific he needs to mention. It is usually something simple like, "I feel there is someone here that needs to be reconciled with their wife. You need to surrender to Jesus and make it right!"

He told an amazing story at the beginning of our service yesterday:

Saturday night at the end of the normal service he (Pastor Ed) felt the Holy Spirit was leading him to mention a specific situation that someone was facing in the church. He said that there was someone who was a believer that was doing drugs and needed to give it up. He said that the Spirit kept leading him with further descriptions. He said (something like), "You are doing drugs and, in fact, you are not listening on the radio or watching online, but you even came to church high tonight. You are in this building and can hear my voice. I feel the Lord is telling me you are a woman- a young woman." He then challenged the girl, whoever she was, to give up the drugs and fully surrender her life to Christ.

He said that he, lacking faith, fully expected to just get an email during the week with a "that was me you were talking about Saturday" type of message. He said that often happens when he gets specific like that in his challenge to people.

After service as he was talking and praying with people a couple came up to him. They said that when the girl he mentioned makes herself known that they would like to help disciple her. Pastor Ed said that he would let them know... and then he saw a young girl right behind them.

Now, before I continue, let me say this before you write this off as crazy, absurd or mystic: it's not. My church is not a coo-coo place where we put the Spirit to the test or try to fabricate these kinds of stories to make people cry or go "wow!"

I have a real pastor who just wants to obey the Lord.

Ok, now I will continue:

The girl stepped forward and said she was the one he was talking about. She said she had been down in the bathroom when she heard him talking about her. (We have speakers in the whole church that broadcast the message.) She knew it was God calling to her.

He felt the Holy Spirit was telling him she had the drugs with her so he held out his hand and asked her to give him all the drugs she had with her. He said they would go flush them down the toilet right now and connect her with people who would help her. She reached in her pocket and handed him the drugs. He paused and asked her for ALL the drugs. She reached in her purse and gave him the rest.

He handed them to a couple other pastors and they flushed them right then and there.

This is the body of Christ. This is faith. This is being sensitive to the Holy Spirit, how He works and then obeying!

So many people, including me sometimes, wonder why God is not "working in their lives." Yet, at the same time we keep God in a little box. We tame Him. We turn church into a social club, gossip session, compare my cute kids with yours day, duty and all around American past time.

It is time to wake up. The end is near and the Lord is calling YOU to step out in faith, like never before, and obey.

You know what you need to do.

Will you join me? Let's do it!

For the sake of Jesus Christ, His kingdom and HIS glory!

Wordless Wednesday (on Thursday): A Glimpse of Tuesday

The Core of Proverbs 31

I think way, way, way too much.

And that is not the first, nor the last, time I will probably voice that on this blog.

There are days when I go over and over things in my head. It can be really simple thoughts like what I should do for dinner to in-depth ideas regarding the doctrine of predestination. The difficulty is managing both thoughts when they converge in my brain at the same time. Ask Joel, he's been there when it has happened.

Saturday night I reached a crisis of thoughts. I had SO much in my mind at one time I thought I was going to explode. I laid in bed for an hour thinking and thinking and, well, thinking. The end result, besides losing sleep, was a longing to escape by trying to figure everything out. I decided to get up and not return to bed until I had a peace from the Lord.

Sitting in my cluttered study, wanting so desperately to clean it, I tried to relax. The thoughts kept pouring in of all I want to do, all I want to be and all that just really needs to be accomplished.

And the Lord said, "Abide in Me."

The peace that washed over me in that moment was truly, "the peace that passes all understanding" (Philippians 2). I opened the Bible and began reading John 15 and 1 John.

Abide. Abide. Abide.

There is a tendency, especially with the press regarding the Proverbs 31 woman, to live our lives in a chaotic fashion. Many of my thoughts bend towards needing to be the perfect woman because of the pressure that comes from what we associate with Proverbs 31.

The more the Lord requires from me the more I believe I must set my thoughts aside. I want to get to the core of Proverbs 31. Do I want to be like the Proverbs 31 woman? Of course! Yet, although it is Scripture, it is not a direct command from the Lord. (I hope you understand what I mean.) It is not about having things organized, serving a beautiful meal or saving a few pennies.

He DID command me by saying, "Abide in Me." He did not say, "Be like the Proverbs 31 woman." My life is about abiding in the Lord.

Ah, there is so much more that I could say, especially when I think of raising children. I do NOT want my children to remember me as the woman who had an organized home, cooked great meals or managed money well. When they think of me I want them to see Jesus. I want them to remember that I loved Him more than anything else. I want them to remember that He was first and not a clean home. I want them to know that He was the love of my life and not a padded checking account. I want them to remember that our home was filled with the aroma of Christ.

Everything else is good and should be worked towards, for sure (I cannot think when the kitchen is a mess!), but comes second.

I want to abide in Him.

Monday

I have 1 cute baby sitting on my lap.

I have 2 sinks full of dishes.

I took a 3 hour nap with said cute baby today.

I need 4 new tires.

I have 5 books I want to read.

I think I will go play Settlers of Catan with Joel.

Headache... again.

The last couple of days I have been fighting headaches... again. I have always had headaches, but since being pregnant and having Jeremiah I have had very FEW.

Until Monday. Ugh.

I cannot focus and just feel like sleeping.

This, too, shall pass!

Wordless Wednesday

And so this is 2011...

It is Saturday. I am tired. It is, finally, freezing outside. I have a precious sleeping baby boy (who should probably be awake). And me, well, I should be doing other more productive things (like studying for the lesson I am teaching in 16 hours).

Welcome to 2011.

I have a lot I want to accomplish in 2011. My list is no different from yours, I am sure, with a few of my top goals being to get more organized and save money.

There is something frightful about disorganization in my mind and yet I have allowed myself to collect stacks of paper, stuff items out of sight to "handle later," make lists that look intimidating, etc. Wasting money is just as horrific to me and yet we have been doing a pretty good job at that one, too.

And, as always, I look at myself and say, "Martha, Martha, do not be anxious and troubled about so many things!" (Luke 10) The one thing I need to do is so simple- be with Jesus.

My ultimate goal of 2011 is to know and believe Jesus Christ more fully than I did in 2010. The house and the money will practically take care of themselves if He has all my attention.

Reviving the Blog

Several friends have revived their blogs and I am wondering if it is time to do the same with mine. I have said that several times the last year, I know, and it never seems to happen. The same thing will probably happen again. There is always much I want to say and now, more than ever, I know God is teaching me many lessons that could be of encouragement to you.

Yet, I have a problem with blogs. It seems that everyone is trying to be someone. We all want a voice and a place to be heard. I am no different. I want to influence this world with the message of Jesus. He is my peace, hope and joy.

We will see if I come back for good... until then, enjoy this precious face:

Arrow #1

The news of Arrow #1 was thrust into cyberspace (thanks to Facebook) on May 9, 2010: Mother's Day!!! Since the world, or all who really care, now know I thought it was time to start tracking some things on the blog like Katie does.

How Far Along: 22 weeks
Size of baby: 11 inches and almost 1 pound
Total Weight Gain/ Loss: 8 pounds
Maternity Clothes: Just started wearing them! My mom and a few friends have given me some shirts. I have purchased two things so far!
Gender: Surprise!
Movement: Baby is active first thing in the morning, mid-afternoon and as soon as I lay down at night.
Food Cravings: I really do not have any yet...
What I Miss: Ultimate Frisbee
Sleep: Hips are aching, but otherwise I am sleeping great!
Symptoms: I could do without the heartburn. Seriously.
Best Moment of This Week: Swimming last night!
What I am Looking Forward To: Being able to feel the baby (not just movements).
Doctor: My next doctor's appointment is Wednesday May 26.

I cannot believe, first, that I am pregnant and second, that I am over half-way! Lord willing, in 18 weeks we will be holding our first child in our arms. How incredibly amazing and unbelievable!

Yesterday I was watching some birthing videos, which I have done before, but this time it was different. When the little baby was laid on the mother's chest and cried for the first time I got teary and could not shake the emotions for the rest of the day. So very soon that will be Joel and I with our baby!

The Lord is gracious. He gives strength and wisdom. I trust in Him to fill all the areas where I feel so incapable. This child is His. He has given them to us to teach us more about Himself. I rejoice in that and will embrace all that is to come with confidence in Him!!!

Marvelous Mystery

Engagement picture March 2009

Wedding day April 24, 2009

Washington D.C November 2009

Joel and I have been married for 364 days today! Tomorrow is our first anniversary. The weather is supposed to be dreary, but we will celebrate together what God has done with us since last April- and, really, since we met in December of 2006.

²²Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

²⁵Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— ³⁰for we are members of his body. ³¹"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." ³²This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Ephesians 5:22-33

Yes, it is such a "profound mystery" and one that we have not fully grasped as of yet. We have faced our fair share of misunderstandings, arguments and frustrations. We have also had a great many laughs, hours of dreaming, ministering together and enjoying each others presence.

God is teaching us so much about Him, ourselves, one another, ministry, work, love, patience, faithfulness, money, children, missions and much more!

It has been a wonderful year.

The next one will be even better.

The School of Prayer

On occasion Joel and I like to browse through used book selections at thrift stores or stop in at tiny used book stores to scour the loaded shelves. There is something relaxing and beautiful about looking at shelves and shelves of books! And, two hours later, even if we leave emptied handed it does not feel like a total waste of time.

The last time we stopped at the Arc Thrift Store, after our Saturday morning breakfast date at Chik-fil-a, we found several treasures we are quickly devouring:

I am reading with Christ in the School of Prayer by Andrew Murray and Joel is reading Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand. There was a 50% off sale- total spent on these two books- $1.

Andrew Murray must have been an amazing man. He has written convicting and heart-stopping classics (Absolute Surrender and Humility to name just two) that every believer needs to read at least once in a lifetime a year. I know I wish I did!

It seems that the theme of my spiritual growth the last two years has been prayer. My heart longs to know what prayer is, how to pray and at the end of most days I just cry, with the disciples in Luke 11, "Lord, teach me to pray!"

And He is.

Prayer seems easy when it is reduced to petty self-centered petitions that revolve around our wants and materialistic minded "needs." I am harsh, I know, but this reflects most of my prayer life. I was shocked and spiritually traumatized when I met Helen Cox, Caroline Stickley, Eileen Kuhn and Louis Almond. OMF retired missionaries who spent their lives in foreign countries for the sake of the Gospel and who now continue to be poured out for the nations by praying.

If you were able to sit through one prayer meeting with these saints (and they meet twice a day together) you would never pray the same again, I am sure. As they prayed I felt so out of place- like I was eavesdropping on an intimate conversation between Creator and creation!

I want to pray like them, with them and for Him. In prayer I want to throw all my dependence upon the One who knows all and find myself in line with His will.

And now, I'll let Andrew Murray say the rest:

"It is one of the terrible marks of the diseased state of the Christian life in these days (written 1953), that there are so many who rest content without the distinct experience of answer to prayer. They pray daily, they ask many things, and trust that some of them will be heard, but know little of direct definite answer to prayer as the rule of daily life. And it is this the Father wills: He seeks daily intercourse with His children in listening to and granting their petitions. He wills that I should come to Him day by day with distinct requests; He wills day by day to do for me what I ask. It was in His answer to prayer that the saints of old learned to know God as the Living One, and were stirred to praise and love (Psalms 34, 66:29, 116:1). Our Teacher waits to imprint this upon our minds: prayer and its answer, the child asking and the father giving, belong to each other."

with Christ in the School of Prayer
Andrew Murray
Lesson Five- Ask and It Shall Be Given You

Stages of Life

Dawn and I used to blog ALL the time. It seems that Facebook has more than definitely taken the place of our good, old fashioned, blogging days. Still, for me, there is something about writing and reading something profound that pointless status updates will never satisfy.

So, in order to launch into a new blogging season of life I have changed the name of my blog to reflect my life verse:

"You are My witnesses," declares the Lord, "
and My servant whom I have chosen,
to know and believe Me
and understand that I am He.
Before Me no god was formed
nor will there be one after Me."
Isaiah 43:10

May the Lord be glorified in all that is written here.