I think way, way, way too much.
And that is not the first, nor the last, time I will probably voice that on this blog.
There are days when I go over and over things in my head. It can be really simple thoughts like what I should do for dinner to in-depth ideas regarding the doctrine of predestination. The difficulty is managing both thoughts when they converge in my brain at the same time. Ask Joel, he's been there when it has happened.
Saturday night I reached a crisis of thoughts. I had SO much in my mind at one time I thought I was going to explode. I laid in bed for an hour thinking and thinking and, well, thinking. The end result, besides losing sleep, was a longing to escape by trying to figure everything out. I decided to get up and not return to bed until I had a peace from the Lord.
Sitting in my cluttered study, wanting so desperately to clean it, I tried to relax. The thoughts kept pouring in of all I want to do, all I want to be and all that just really needs to be accomplished.
And the Lord said, "Abide in Me."
The peace that washed over me in that moment was truly, "the peace that passes all understanding" (Philippians 2). I opened the Bible and began reading John 15 and 1 John.
Abide. Abide. Abide.
There is a tendency, especially with the press regarding the Proverbs 31 woman, to live our lives in a chaotic fashion. Many of my thoughts bend towards needing to be the perfect woman because of the pressure that comes from what we associate with Proverbs 31.
The more the Lord requires from me the more I believe I must set my thoughts aside. I want to get to the core of Proverbs 31. Do I want to be like the Proverbs 31 woman? Of course! Yet, although it is Scripture, it is not a direct command from the Lord. (I hope you understand what I mean.) It is not about having things organized, serving a beautiful meal or saving a few pennies.
He DID command me by saying, "Abide in Me." He did not say, "Be like the Proverbs 31 woman." My life is about abiding in the Lord.
Ah, there is so much more that I could say, especially when I think of raising children. I do NOT want my children to remember me as the woman who had an organized home, cooked great meals or managed money well. When they think of me I want them to see Jesus. I want them to remember that I loved Him more than anything else. I want them to remember that He was first and not a clean home. I want them to know that He was the love of my life and not a padded checking account. I want them to remember that our home was filled with the aroma of Christ.
Everything else is good and should be worked towards, for sure (I cannot think when the kitchen is a mess!), but comes second.
I want to abide in Him.