Meeting Joshua: Part 4

Read Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 if you missed them.

The Junior High students seemed more energetic than usual.  And loud.

Contraction.

We were in the middle of the game for the evening.  I glanced at my phone's clock: 7:35PM.  The next one came at 7:45PM.  The music for youth group was just starting and I sat down to time it.  The contraction lasted about a minute and was, what I considered, about average in strength.  The next contraction came. 7:55PM.  Three contractions at 10 minutes apart.  I told Joel I had a couple contractions just so he knew, but that I would be fine through his lesson.

8:10.  8:17.  8:30.

Ok, they are getting some rhythm to them and are strong contractions, but nothing to write home about just yet.

We finished youth group, I got Jeremiah from the nursery and we chatted with our youth leaders a bit.  The contractions were still coming at a steady and rhythmic pace and I started getting a bit anxious.

It's snowing outside, I thought, and it's supposed to snow a lot all through the night.  We need to get home.

I barely remember the conversation we had with our friend and I knew it was something serious, but I also knew I needed to get home.  We needed to call Joel's sister, my mom and get our bags packed.  I started telling Joel we needed to get going.  Another contraction.  No, seriously, we need to go.  I gave him a pleading look and he knew right away what I meant by it.

We were out of the church a little after 9:00 and the roads were already a slippery snow ridden mess.  We had to drive super slow and it took us twice as long to get home as it usually did.  Joel and I decided to have his sister head over sooner rather than later since the roads were getting worse and she could stay the night with us.  I called her and she said she would be over as soon as she could.  I began to get Jeremiah ready for bed; Joel started packing his bag. 

Contraction after contraction.  They were getting stronger and closer together.  They were not as strong or as close together to warrant going to the hospital, but we knew the snow was a major factor.  Go to the hospital now before the weather gets any worse or wait and go to the hospital who knows when with over a foot of snow on the ground?  We also live near one of the worst interstate combinations and the thought of going with snow and rush hour traffic sounded rather unpleasant.

I knew that going to the hospital in early labor would mean the nurses might get too pushy (no pun intended, ha.) if I was not further along than they wanted.  I knew if I went in they would start pressing me to get labor going at the speed they thought best.  It was best to get to the hospital.  I'd deal with the nurses, I guess.

Joel's sister arrived at 10:30.  Jeremiah was in bed.  We talked for a bit as I finished packing my bag.  The contractions were getting hard and I had to stop with each one to breathe through them.  I gave my sister-in-law the run down on Jeremiah and she said that she hoped to get the next day off because of the snow.

We left home at 11:45PM.  The roads were a slushy, slippery mess and it took us 15 minutes longer to get to the hospital than normal.  The contractions were difficult to manage on the way, but nothing like the pain I had experienced in the car ride with Jeremiah.  We arrived at the hospital, with snow abounding, and I started the check-in process while Joel parked.


I am here, again, already?  The last time I sat in this chair I got it all wet.  Hahaha.  I let the memories flood back through my mind as the receptionist asked me a bunch of questions.  My mom arrived with my sister as I was finishing and we headed up to labor and delivery!  I turned down the wheelchair since I was feeling great- I wanted to keep the contractions coming!

I am here, again, already? The last time I walked these halls we had welcomed our firstborn son into our home. Who will we meet this time?

Meeting Joshua: Part 3

Read Part 1 and Part 2 if you missed them.

Where are the difficult contractions, I kept thinking as I showered, dressed and ate lunch.  These are nothing like the pain I had with Jeremiah.  I guess I should stop comparing and be thankful!

Joel was studying and I decided to lay down for a nap.  I slept for almost two hours and had maybe two contractions.  I know my water broke.  I know it.  I know I had a couple of strong contractions.  I'm not crazy.  People are going to think I do not know my own body!

I was frustrated with myself and did not want to go through another false alarm especially since we had told so many people that I was in labor, Joel had come home from church and our friend had taken time out of her day.  I battled with pride, wondering what people would think- does she not know when she is in labor?

God quickly reprimanded me, "Does it matter what other people think?  Is that your focus?  If I want to put you through another false alarm to humble you will you fight me on it?"  So thankful for His discipline in my life! 

We decided to have the babysitter bring Jeremiah back home since my contractions were pretty much non-existent at 3PM.  She was sympathetic, understanding, saying that it happens and she would be ready when the time did come.  She encouraged me by saying that since my water broke that I would be having a baby soon!  She also said it would be easier for me next time to part with him since I probably had dealt with all my emotions already!

True.  And, false labor or not, a long hot shower, time with Joel and a nap had been nice.

Be grateful in all things.  God knew I needed rest and had given it to me.

I played with Jeremiah, got him a snack and started feeling more contractions.  I was a little wet, well, down there again.  What is going on?  I sat down to read him some books.  Contractions stopped.  I got up to clean the kitchen.  More contractions.  More fluid.

There was no rhythm to my contractions and they were only happening when I was moving around.  I decided that I was not going to sit around the house all night and that I would go to church.  If the contractions are coming while I am up moving then going to church will continue to encourage labor!

People who had heard my water had broke were shocked that I was at church.  The word quickly spread to those that did not know.  People were asking me questions.  I was thinking differently than I was answering.

"Yes, I think my water broke."  I did not wet my pants five times today.

"Yes, I have been having contractions all day."  I know they are not as strong, but they ARE contractions! 

"Yes, I did decide to come to church."  Duh, I'm here.

It was getting frustrating.  I was having to pray through every conversation that God would give me patience.  People were expressing their care for me.  I needed to receive it.

And God was refining me, as always.

Read Part 4.

Meeting Joshua: Part 2

Read Part 1 if you missed it.

I continued to cry as I finished packing Jeremiah's bag.  I had a couple of contractions, but kept forgetting to time them.  I was praying while I was packing that Joel would get home before the babysitter arrived.  I needed a good hug and a moment with just the three of us before Jeremiah left.  Only God knew when I would see Jeremiah again and by that time, Lord willing, he would be a big brother!

The last couple of weeks I had struggled with so many emotions when it came to Jeremiah.  He was not going to be my baby anymore.  He was going to be a big brother.  He was still needing so much of my attention.  He was barely out of our bed and still nursing.

How would he adjust?  How would I adjust?  How would I do this with two?

God was faithful to give me peace and remind me that this second child was from Him- and in His perfect timing.  He would give me all I needed to mother ALL the children HE would give us.

I needed to trust Him.

God was gracious to me and Joel arrived just moments before the babysitter.  We hugged and he let me cry a few minutes.  He gently encouraged me to rejoice- we were about to meet our second child {already?}!

Our friend and her daughter arrived a little after 10am.  I got teary again and she gave me a big hug.  She reminded me that everything I was feeling was ok!  She would know, after all, since she has six children!

We hugged Jeremiah and took a last picture of just the three of us!

We had a teary goodbye as she took Jeremiah in her arms.  She prayed over us before she left.

And then she was gone... with my baby boy.

I allowed myself to cry a few minutes.  Jeremiah and I had spent so much time together in the last fifteen months.  It had been so much fun growing as a parent and watching him grow.  It was hard to believe that I was about to meet my second child {already?}.

Joel and I talked about what we should do since my contractions were not coming as quickly as they had with Jeremiah.  I decided to take a long hot shower.

Surely the contractions would pick up soon...

Read Part 3.

Meeting Joshua: Part 1

I woke up Wednesday, December 21, 2011 at 4:00am, as usual, to go to the bathroom.  As I was awkwardly trying to roll myself out of bed I felt a little wet, well, down there.  Man, I must really have to go, I thought.  When I stood up some more fluid leaked out.

My heart started beating faster as I wondered, did my water break?  No, it couldn't be.  My due date is still 10 days away.

I went to the bathroom and got back in bed.

I awoke at 6:00am, as usual, to go to the bathroom again.  I was very wet, well, down there.  When I stood up some more fluid leaked out.

My heart started beating faster as I wondered, did my water break?  No, it couldn't be.  Remember, it gushed with Jeremiah.

I went to the bathroom and was going to go back to bed, but felt I should tell Joel.

He was already awake and reading the Bible (he's so amazing).  I startled him and he looked at me with wide eyes as I told him I thought my water had broke.

"It's just not the same as it was with Jeremiah," I pondered.

"Should I go to church?" he pondered.

He was supposed to leave home at 6:45am, but we decided he should stay with me to see if I started having contractions.  I had one or two between 6am and 8am, but nothing major.  We decided he should go into church (ie, work) and I would call him when something more exciting started happening.

I had a few more contractions around 9am and I called him to see if we should get the babysitter ready to take Jeremiah.  He said to go ahead and call her.  She was going to be out running errands around 10am and said she would be happy to get him.

10am was just one hour away.

His bag was not ready.

I was not ready to part with this little boy whose life was was about to be turned upside down.

I started crying as I finished packing his bag with favorite foods, toys and clothes.  He was going to be a big brother.  This little boy who had turned MY world upside down just 15 months earlier had no idea what was coming!

Would Jeremiah have a brother or a sister?

Read Part 2.

Meeting Jeremiah: Part 4

Read Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 if you missed them.

It was getting close to midnight as we got settled into Room ___ (I need to find the room number...) at Swedish Medical Center.  My mom and sister had arrived sometime in the midst of check-in, but I cannot remember exactly when.  I was a little preoccupied (imagine that).  I should ask my mom.  When I think back to it all I can remember is the pain I was in at that moment.

So much pain.  So much pressure and pain in my lower back.  Every contraction felt as if someone was wringing my body as you would a wet towel.  I tried to remember all the breathing techniques, but it seemed useless.   I just decided to breathe!   (I am full of brilliant ideas.)

They brought a wheelchair out and I felt dread wash over me.  Walking was painful, but sitting was even more so.  "Do I have to ride in the wheelchair?" I pleaded with Joel.

"I don't think so.  Do you want to walk?" He compassionately replied.

"Yes; no.  I don't know.  I'll ride.  No, let me walk.  No, maybe I should ride," was my response.

If you have been in labor you probably had a conversation like that with your husband.

Or two.

Or three.

The 5 minute ride in the wheelchair up to the delivery room was the second worse ride of my life (the first, as you remember, being the ride to the hospital just 20 minutes prior).  Contraction after contraction.  More fluid everywhere.  

It was surreal as we rounded the final corner and I saw the nurses desk.  They were smiling compassionately and waiting for me.  I was in labor.  I was having a baby!  The time I had imagined my whole life was upon me!  It was like the moment I took my daddy's arm at my wedding to walk down the aisle.  Was this me?

The nurses helped us get settled into the room, all the while briefing us on what to expect from them and telling me I needed to lay down for 20 minutes so she could monitor the baby's heartbeat.  Lay down for TWENTY minutes?  You have GOT to be kidding me!  I just want this baby out.  Right now.  It was so painful to lay down.  The pain, oh, the pain.  She started asking me a myriad of medical questions.  My contractions were still coming one on top of another and the pain I was feeling in my lower back continued to intensify.  As soon as she got the monitor turned on the nurse said something like, "Oh, honey, you are having hard contractions."  Really?  No way!

We made it very clear that we wanted an all natural birth.  The baby was to have no shots.  They were not to offer drugs or suggest anything to us unless the baby and I were in danger.  She took my birth plan and began looking it over.  She suggested I still have the IV hook up just in case something did go wrong.  I gave in (the worst mistake- it was so annoying!) and they put it in my left arm.  After only 15 minutes or so I had to get up.  Once I was standing Joel applied counter pressure during a contraction and I finally felt some relief from the pressure on my lower back.

My doctor came in to check on me at about 1am and I was dilated to 7cm.  He also discovered that the baby was a little oblique (slanted towards one side of my pelvis) and partially posterior (facing forward).  He explained that the excruciating pain I was feeling in my low back was mostly due to the baby's odd position.  The contractions would do their job to reposition the baby, but my labor was going to be a more difficult one.

I remember taking a deep breath between contractions and asking the Lord to give me strength.  He had made my body capable of labor and delivery.  The pain had a purpose.  It was a good pain.  I was about to see my baby.

Ah, thank God for a strong, patient, gracious husband who was by my side through it all.  He applied counter pressure with every contraction- not a small feat- and his arms were sore for a few days!  He reminded me that God had made my body for this task.  Thank God for a loving mother who gently whispered Scripture in my ear and reminded me that all I needed to do was focus on the next contraction.   Thank God for a dear sister who got me water, cooled off my forehead and stood ready for what ever we needed.  Her sweet smile was such a comfort to me!

I decided to get in the bath to see if it would relieve some of the pressure from the baby's head continually pressing on my pelvic bone, spine and tail bone.  As I sunk into the water I told Joel that it felt like I was sitting on the baby's head.  (Weirdest feeling ever- second to my water breaking!)  It helped for a little while, but the urge to get the baby out was quickly overtaking me!

We moved me back to the bed, but I still could not sit down.  I could tell the baby was trying to get into the right position.  He/she wanted to come out as badly as I wanted them out!   Resting upright, rocking with each contraction to help the baby turn was the best position for me.  They checked again around 2:30am and I was nearing 9cm.  This overwhelming urge came from nowhere and I told my doctor I had to push.  The nurse was very adamant that I wait until I was fully dilated.  My doctor said to go ahead if I needed to, but to push gently.  (Um, gently, ok?)

A couple of contractions and pushes later I felt some relief from the pressure.  The baby had moved a little!  I could finally lay down and prepare to get this baby out!  The nurse kept calling the baby a girl.  And it really was starting to annoy me.  What if it is a boy?

I pushed.  And I pushed.  And I pushed some more.

I was starting to feel more intense pain and was having a hard time breathing.  The nurse gave me some oxygen.  (Ah, love that stuff.)  PUSH!  

My doctor checked the position of the baby and gave the nurse some code language.

I knew something was amiss and asked, "What is it?"

"The baby is trying to come out ear first," my doctor said.  The nurse looked concerned and my doctor calmly said, "It's not the first time it has happened.  It's fine.  It'll just take longer."

(Can I just say... I love my doctor.  He is the best.  Ever.  65 years old.  Old school.  Has delivered over 6,000 babies- including my three youngest siblings.  He has one of the lowest c-section percentages in Colorado.  And he has a dry sense of humor.  And he's calm and professional.  And yet sometimes a bit goofy.  We love him!)

I pushed for an hour and twenty minutes.  Sometime, somehow, the baby turned.   It was long.  It was hard.  I felt like giving up.  And about 2 pushes before the baby was born something clicked in me.  I want this baby out.  I remember looking over to see the little bed with the heater warming up, asking Joel if the camera was recording (one of the best decisions ever) and taking a big breath as I felt another contraction.

I want to see my baby!

Now.

They cheered me on and said I was almost there.  The head was out.  My doctor said not to push while he cleaned the nose and mouth out.  He asked if Joel was ready to call out the gender of the baby.

It was the longest 10 seconds of my life.

"One more push," Dr. Bury instructed.

"It's a boy!" Joel exclaimed, filled with wonder, excitement and emotion.

And a little squirming baby boy was placed on my chest.  I cried.

My baby.  My firstborn.  A son.

The love that washed over me in that moment cannot be described in words.  There is nothing to compare with seeing your baby face to face for the first time.

 

Jeremiah

September 15, 2010

3:58am

7lbs. 10oz.

Meeting Jeremiah: Part 3

Read Part 1 and Part 2 if you missed them.

Driving home from W's house at 9PM on September 14, 2010 I felt a contraction, a pop and then a gush of fluid exiting my body.  I still cannot really describe what it felt like to have my water break.  It was the weirdest thing I think I have ever experienced!

"I think my water just broke," I stammered.  I was half smiling and yet feeling like crying.

"Are you sure?" Joel questioned.

"Feel the seat!  It's soaked!"

He reached over and felt the seat in the car.  It was soaking wet.  I was soaking wet!

We looked at each other wide-eyed for a moment smiling and shocked.

The walk from the car to the house was an awkward one- I kept leaking fluid!  

It was really time!

We started talking about what to do.  I had a contraction.  More fluid leaked out.  (Ok, this is getting weird.  I am wetting my pants and have no control over it!)  The books and the class both said it could be hours before active labor was upon us.  We wanted to stay at home as long as possible so we had decided to wait until the contractions were painful and close together before heading to the hospital.  I called my doctor's phone service and she asked if I was sure my water had broken.  Yes, I am sure.  How much fluid had come out- approximately?  Ummm, a gallon?  They advised me to go to the hospital right away since my water had broken.  (Insert another contraction and more fluid leakage...eww.)  Yeah, yeah, and sit in the hospital for who knows how long being pestered by nurses? I thought.  No thanks.  "I'll wait until my contractions are close together," I told the operator.  She connected me to my doctor and he said to call back when I was heading to the hospital.  He was already there with another patient. 

As soon as I hung up I had another contraction.  (More fluid?  How much is in there???)  It was more uncomfortable than any I had already experienced.  We prayed.  Joel asked God to give us strength and endurance for the night ahead!  He prayed a blessing over the the baby and our home.  He asked God to give us wisdom as we raised this child.

I cried.  It was really time.  We were going to meet this new life SOON.  Labor was upon me.  What would it be like?  Would I be able to handle all the pain I was about to face?  What would it be like to be a mother?  Was I ready?

Oh, God, make me ready! I earnestly prayed.

We started timing the contractions and I got in the shower.

If you know anything about timing contractions you can see that they were coming fast from the beginning.  (AND with each one I kept leaking fluid... nice.)  The first couple of contractions after my water broke were strong and by 10PM the contractions were getting painful.  I could barely get the rest of my bag packed without wincing.  We headed to the hospital at 10:40PM. 

The 20 minutes to the hospital was the longest car ride of my entire life.  I was not able to move around and the pressure I was feeling on my lower back was horrible.  Joel was a great encourager and kept reminding me to look to the prize- our first baby!

The check-in process at the ER entrance took entirely too long.  I had pre-registered for goodness sake!  Why do you need to verify all the information again?  Besides, I am leaking amniotic fluid everywhere... which is not only gross, but slightly awkward and embarrassing.   The clerk kept telling me it was ok and we were almost done.  Yeah, thanks, you are not the one in labor, lady!  They brought a wheelchair out after what seemed like an eternity and we were headed to the labor and delivery room!

Read Part 4.

Meeting Jeremiah: Part 2

Read Part 1 if you missed it.

I had no more contractions Sunday or Monday.

We went to J and C's wedding on Sunday afternoon.  It was hot.  Hot.  Hot.

The emotions I had felt on Saturday, during the false labor, as I thought about seeing my first baby for the first time seemed ages ago by Tuesday morning. I was starting to tell myself that I was going to go past my due date like everyone said happened with the first baby. I had already been preparing myself for 9 months now!

Tuesday, September 14, was another warm day and, if I remember correctly, I woke up sweating and feeling all around hot. Hot. Hot. I was feeling lower back pains and my stomach kept getting tight sporadically all day. More warm up contractions, I guess. I cannot recall what I did during the day except that I went to my parent's house for something and iPhoto says I took the pictures of the outfits we had purchased.  

I told my mom I was having the same kind of pains as I had on Saturday. She said I was probably in labor if I was having so many contractions. I shrugged my shoulders, not wanting to get my hopes up, dismissing the thought.

Joel and I headed to W's house at about 5:30PM to help him and his fiance assemble their wedding invitations. I remember telling Joel that my back was hurting and while we were sitting eating pizza I felt the same kind of pains as I had on Saturday. More warm up contractions, I guess.

It was so hot in W's little apartment. Or was it just me?

I was assigned my task and sat with a couple other women at the kitchen table. The hard kitchen chair was much more comfortable compared to the plush couch that gave me no back support. I remember little of the conversation around the table. I was focused on my task and wishing I was at home. It must have been about 8PM when Joel was done with his job and came into the kitchen to see how we were doing. I asked him to massage my shoulders.

I was feeling so hot and out of breath. He got me another glass of water.

The cool evening air felt like heaven to my uncomfortable, hot body as we stepped out of W's apartment at about 9PM! While walking to the car I told Joel, "I am not ready for this."

He asked, "Ready for what?"

"To have this baby," I replied with tears welling up in my eyes.

"God will give you the strength when it is time," he gently answered.

I had no idea that 15 minutes later as we drove home it would be time.

Read Part 3.

Meeting Jeremiah: Part 1

Saturday, September 11, 2010 was a beautiful, hot, Colorado late summer day. We had scheduled to take maternity pictures with my parents that evening since my due date, September 22, was getting so close. We had fun taking hundreds of pictures with my ginormous belly, but near the end of the photo shoot I started getting pains around my lower back and had to stop several times to sit down.
I figured that I was just tired from walking around the park and a bit dehydrated. My mom started asking me all sorts of questions about what I was feeling and she suggested we start timing the contractions. They were sporadic and not painful at all. I did not think I was in labor, but since she bore six children I figured I should listen to her.

We left the park around 6PM. I had only had 3 or 4 contractions in a couple of hours, but we started discussing how the evening would go if I was actually in labor. My parents dropped us off at our house and Joel went to get Wendy's for our dinner. We even recorded our "last supper" and waited.

And waited. And waited.

After eating, resting and drinking a lot of water I had no more contractions.

I knew it had been a false alarm all along!

Read Part 2.

Coming Soon: Birth Stories

The last few weeks there has been an abundance of babies entering the world and I have read a couple of birth stories on different blogs (like my new favorite blog and my friend Katie). I never know what the purpose of this blog is, really, but I may be slowly finding a niche. Well, at least a niche in my head. (Wow, and that is a scary thought.)

I have always loved listening to mothers share birth stories. I love the fact that my own mother drove herself in a big pickup truck to get her hair cut AFTER her water broke when she was in labor with me. I giggle when I hear her tell about my brother entering the world and the doctor saying, "Well, his water works." It was so much fun to be close by for the birth of my second brother. It really STINKS that I walked out of the room just moments before my sister was born. It is precious that I was my mom's labor coach for my youngest brother.

The really amazing reality for me is that I now, PERSONALLY, have TWO birth stories of my own. I have been pregnant twice, labored twice and delivered twice. I am still amateur compared to most women, but when I think about having another baby (and YES, I already think about it) there is something exciting for me about going through it all again.

I loved being pregnant. I loved learning about how they were developing. I loved talking, reading and singing to them in the womb. I loved dreaming about who they would be. I loved bringing these two boys into the world. I enjoyed going through labor (ok, most of it). I loved holding them in my arms for the first time. Yet, there is one thing I have not enjoyed when it comes to pregnancy, labor, delivery and even parenting.

Comparison and competition among women.

It. drives. me. crazy.

I hesitate to share my birth stories with most women in my generation. The times I do talk about it some people say certain things that become very frustrating to me. I want people to share in my joy and listen instead of giving all sorts of reasons as to why my story is somehow unique. I want to be able to share why I did or did not do certain things without others having to defend their own story.

So I will share. Soon.

Until then, I will nurse my precious two month old, play with my seventeen month old and remember with joy the days the Lord placed them into my arms!

Still Around

It is 10:59PM as I begin this post.

Joel and Jeremiah are in bed. Joshua is strapped snugly to my chest in the Moby wrap (still LOVE this giant piece of fabric) and is *finally* asleep. He is such a good baby- sleeps at night and is awake during the day. He barely cries and is starting to show more personality. ::Ahem:: More on him in another post.

And me? I am doing laundry and thinking about blogs.

I really should be in bed sleeping soundly like the rest of my little family, but for now I am soaking up the quiet stillness in my home. I need time to think and it seems that these days I get very little.

Two boys. I am the mother of two boys.


I cannot believe how quickly time has passed- from my 10th birthday disaster to learning to drive, working two great jobs, marrying my best friend and now being the mother of these two precious boys.

And all too soon they will be grown. They will be 10. 16. 21. 25. 28.

I am reading through the Bible and just finished Judges (Funny, Jeremiah got his first haircut the day I read about Samson. Ha.), Ruth and have started 1 Samuel. Oh, to raise a son like Boaz. Oh, to be a mother like Hannah with a son like Samuel. I do not want to raise sons like Samson. Or how about Eli's sons? 1 Samuel 2:12 says, "Now the sons of Eli were worthless men. They did not know the Lord." May that never be said of my sons!

Amidst the dishes, diapers, laundry and all the other daily chores I never, ever, ever, ever (EVER) want to forget that I am raising adults. Boys turn into men. And I want them to be men. I do not want them to stay boys (it seems many mothers do and many men stay boys).

There are times when the books strewn on the floor, the overflowing diaper pail and the constant snack time wear on me. Yet, at the same time I know I will miss it one day when the pitter patter of tiny feet is no longer in my home. These are days to cherish as I pour into these little souls the time it takes to make a little boy into a man.

And now that I am crying... I will iron the last shirt and go to bed.

Raising Jeremiah: Mission-minded

We just got home from our mission trip to Pagosa Springs, Colorado! It was an exciting week and God answered every prayer above and beyond what we had prayed. We were able to see the fruit of our labor right away which was so encouraging!

There were many firsts for me on this mission trip. First mission trip with Joel. First mission trip married. First mission trip leading Junior High students. First mission trip over a holiday. First mission trip as a mother with my child along.

I knew Jeremiah would survive, but he did wonderfully. He is such an amazing little boy. He is so flexible, patient and stays cheerful even when we push him to the limits. He was up early, missed naps, up late, being cared for by many people, without normal comforts, slept in a bunk in a room with 15 girls, out all day in the heat, entertained by few toys, in the car hours a day and in so many new places.

It was hard. It was exhausting. It was so worth it.

Joel and I desire to raise children that are able to handle a variety of tough situations. We want to raise them to be selfless. We also want them to know that we will do everything we can to take care of them in all circumstances. I pray, in Jeremiah's little mind, he learned some of those things this week.

We also want our children to be mission-minded. We want them to grow up realizing that this life is not about them and that it is all about Jesus. They exist to have a relationship with Jesus and then, in turn, live their lives serving Him. There should be nothing that holds them back from serving the Lord if they are obedient to Him and make wise choices. They must also be taught how to have a servant's heart. AND, to top it all off- serving the Lord with fellow believers as a FAMILY is a blessing.

I know I may be crazy, but I would do the last week all over again with a 9 month old. I would do it with a 2 year old and a newborn, 5 kids or 10 kids if God were to ask me to do it. There is nothing more satisfying than serving the Lord and giving yourself for him.

Raising Jeremiah: A Series

"But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you,

then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve,
whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates,
or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living.
But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.”
Joshua 24:15

I LOVE being a mother. Have you guessed that yet? I LOVE BEING A MOTHER! It is absolutely amazing to carry a child inside your body, nurturing and caring for them, as they are hidden in the secret place. It is a delight to experience the full pain of labor and delivery as you bring them into this world.

We LOVE being parents. There are no words to describe looking at the small scrunched up face of your flesh and blood for the very first time. Oh, I could go on and on with this list. It truly is unbelievable to be a parent.

Today Jeremiah was giggling as I was tickling him and I just had to sigh. What a blessing from the Lord! He is such a gift. He is a reward (Psalm 127) that we definitely do not deserve.

The last 15 or so months, as I was pregnant and since Jeremiah has been born, have been a time of accelerated growth for me. I have had to take all I once dreamed of and put it into action. It was finally my time to experience morning sickness, heartburn, crazy dreams, labor, delivery, nursing and child raising!

There have been so many supportive people in our life who have given Godly counsel and advice. There have been a lot of people who have asked us a myriad of questions. I have been pregnant with several good friends (Dawn, Darrah and Katie!) and walked the journey of motherhood with them.
Still, Joel and I are different. We always have been, I guess, and we knew that raising children would set us apart in more ways from the mainstream- even among Christians. We have "radical" ideas, as some call it, and as others would say are "too idealistic." Maybe. Maybe not.

As with all things Joel and I want to be fully surrendered to the Lord in our decision making processes and what we do. We want to make sure that we have sought the Lord in all things instead of just following what everyone does. It may be that in the end we do what most people do, but we still want to know that the direction came from God Himself!

Romans 14, at the very end, after talking about the weak and the strong follower of Jesus, in relation to food sacrificed to idols, states, "and everything that does not come from faith is sin." We get focused so much on the issue of not causing another brother to stumble that many times we completely miss this absolute fact. Romans 14:23 is a verse for ALL followers of Jesus, about ALL decisions in life, across ALL cultures and for ALL time. If it is not done by faith it is sin. Hebrews 11:6 also tells us, "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him."

Those are just two verses that remind me to take all my decisions before the Lord before moving forward! I want to please the Lord, not sin and do all things by faith!!!

Many people have asked why we did, do and plan on doing certain things like natural family planning, womb bonding, out-loud pregnancy Scripture memory, natural childbirth, delayed and limited vaccinations, co-sleeping, feeding on demand, attachment parenting, delayed non-parent care-giving, baby wearing, natural solid food timing, baby potty training, realistic toys, spanking, homeschooling, etc., ETC, ETC. I would like to begin sharing why and how we are parenting!

(I never want to cause you, my reader (whoever you may be) to stumble or to feel that I am judging you for your decisions. As I stated here, I just want a place to share, digest and encourage you to, at the base of it, surrender your lives to the Lord- in ALL things. When you read my thoughts on parenting please take it at face value. And, for your home, seek the Lord!)

We are Jeremiah's parents. We have been given the role of raising him. We will answer for what we did or did not do in leading him to know God. We do not take that lightly! We are also not perfect. We am new to this parenting thing. I get really tired and drained. There are days that I have no idea what I am doing. I told Joel last night that I can see how parents can so easily get lazy. I also realize that what I share on this blog may not be what ends up happening in our home. I also know that Arrow #2, when the Lord blesses us again, will be a completely different child! I will probably have to write a whole new series about them!

Parenting is HARD work.

Maybe by expressing some of my thoughts and our convictions here I can encourage you while at the same time challenging myself to really think about what we are doing! I also want it to be a place where we can share ideas. You may have learned something along the way that we need to know!!! (Like HOW in the WORLD do you know when a 6 month old is being curious, playful or defiant? God give us wisdom!)

If you are a parent, the key is always prayer. We cannot do this without the working of the Holy Spirit in our lives! I hope to look back at these posts one day and smile... what an adventure!

Jeremiah's Mommy

It is hard to believe that I am a mother. I dreamed all my life about having children and now I am the mother to an adorable little boy. He will be six months old in just a few days. He is growing and changing so quickly!

I love watching him study something new.

I love giving him a bath.

I love getting him up from his nap.

I even love changing his diapers.

Joel and I talk a lot about parenting. We want to be the best parents we possibly can be. I know I will make many mistakes (and already have). I have had a couple of days in the last six months where I seriously thought I was not fit to be a mother! It is exhausting in every possible way- spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically.

Jeremiah is starting to show signs that he has a sinful nature. It will not be too long (probably a week!) before we have to discipline him. I pray every day that God will give us wisdom. I want to be intentional in everything I do with him as we discipline, love and nurture him into an adult.

Everything matters when raising a child. I seriously believe that. Everything. Children are like sponges. They soak up what they see and hear. They are aware of our emotions, patterns, habits and desires. They understand more than we really give them credit for understanding! I know Jeremiah will not be perfect. I do not expect him to be. I know he will sin. I know that he will disobey. I know he will pick up all sorts of our bad patterns. He is human and we are, too.

Still, I never want to be a mother that makes excuses for any bad behavior. I cringe when I hear parents say things like, "Oh, it's just a stage they are going through" or "haha, he is going through the terrible twos." (Seems parents have an excuse for lazy parenting at every "stage"!) Christ died to set us free from sin! He died to make us like Himself. He left us on this earth to do HIS will. He wants to make us vessels that are willing to be used.

He did not leave me here to have cute kids. He did not leave me here to make sure my kids each have their own room, birthday parties, a Wii, nice clothes and gobs of toys. He did not leave me on earth to just raise a nice American family. What a waste.

He gave me Jeremiah, first, as a gift and blessing from His gracious hand. He gave me Jeremiah to sanctify me so that I am more like Christ. He gave me Jeremiah to raise in the fear of the Lord! He desires that Jeremiah know Him, serve Him and be a witness of the Gospel of Christ.

And me? I am Jeremiah's mommy. I get to spend my days raising him to be all God desires him to be!

Pride: The Childbirth Method

"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit,
but in humility
count others more significant than yourselves."

Philippians 2:3

God has been showing me areas in my life where pride has so easily and cunningly crept in to set up camp. The more I am sensitive to pride in my own the life the more I see it in everyone else as well (which can be both good- and- bad). Pride takes so many shapes and forms it is simply unbelievable.

A few weeks ago I was at Katie's baby shower and came home ranting to Joel about how pride and childbirth, when combined, can be so infuriating! First, though, a picture:

She is so CUTE pregnant!

Anyway.

Whenever you have a group of mothers together you will probably hear something about their children and chances are that sooner or later the topic of childbirth will surface. I am sure it has been this way for at least a couple thousand years. Now that I have been through the whole process of pregnancy, labor, delivery and five whole months of motherhood I can understand why it becomes the center of many conversations. It is an amazing and life-changing experience.

Yet, in everything, pride finds a way to wiggle itself into hearts and eventually out into conversation. We all have had our own experience and we want so desperately for others to understand why we did what we did in our childbirth.

Epidural vs. Natural. C-Section vs. Vaginal. Long labor vs. Short labor. Bradley vs. Lamaze. Doctor vs. Mid-wife. Formula vs. Breastfed. Hospital vs. Home Birth. And the list could go on and on.... and on.

It does not matter which side you fall on in any of the list above- you have pride about it! Those that did go all natural have pride that they did. People who did not go natural call those that went all natural the prideful ones and in that statement itself is a truckload of pride. I will spare you more of the types of comments I have heard from both sides! They are sometimes brutal!

I am not sure how to say what I am thinking without sounding incredibly harsh.

What if we, as women, learned to hold our tongue? What if we, when we feel slighted by another woman's childbirth story, would just listen? What if we applauded those who went all natural and listened to why some decided to have a c-section? What if we did not call people who get epidurals wimps and those who went without medication stuck up?

What if we prayed about all our decisions? What if we obeyed the Lord's will for our lives and then would confidently abide in His love? What if we were humble enough to just keep quiet?

When I think about my childbirth story I smile. I have so many precious memories in my heart and mind about that night. I am excited that God answered my prayers. I am incredibly thankful for my husband who cheered me on in the wee hours of the morning. And, I am SO grateful for a healthy baby boy.

There are some situations, like baby showers, where I wish I could tell my story without fear of being interrupted by those who have a different experience than me. I wish I could share my life without wondering what people would think. I wish I could give women advice without being seen as a childbirth nazi.

There are so many topics for women that we could discuss when it comes to pride. It may not be childbirth for you. It may be homemaking. Cooking. Time-management. Money. Appearance.

Take your pick.

Above all, I wish to see pride rooted out of my life because as a woman of God it has no place and is not welcome in my heart.

"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit,
but in humility
count others more significant than yourselves."

Philippians 2:3

Arrow #1

The news of Arrow #1 was thrust into cyberspace (thanks to Facebook) on May 9, 2010: Mother's Day!!! Since the world, or all who really care, now know I thought it was time to start tracking some things on the blog like Katie does.

How Far Along: 22 weeks
Size of baby: 11 inches and almost 1 pound
Total Weight Gain/ Loss: 8 pounds
Maternity Clothes: Just started wearing them! My mom and a few friends have given me some shirts. I have purchased two things so far!
Gender: Surprise!
Movement: Baby is active first thing in the morning, mid-afternoon and as soon as I lay down at night.
Food Cravings: I really do not have any yet...
What I Miss: Ultimate Frisbee
Sleep: Hips are aching, but otherwise I am sleeping great!
Symptoms: I could do without the heartburn. Seriously.
Best Moment of This Week: Swimming last night!
What I am Looking Forward To: Being able to feel the baby (not just movements).
Doctor: My next doctor's appointment is Wednesday May 26.

I cannot believe, first, that I am pregnant and second, that I am over half-way! Lord willing, in 18 weeks we will be holding our first child in our arms. How incredibly amazing and unbelievable!

Yesterday I was watching some birthing videos, which I have done before, but this time it was different. When the little baby was laid on the mother's chest and cried for the first time I got teary and could not shake the emotions for the rest of the day. So very soon that will be Joel and I with our baby!

The Lord is gracious. He gives strength and wisdom. I trust in Him to fill all the areas where I feel so incapable. This child is His. He has given them to us to teach us more about Himself. I rejoice in that and will embrace all that is to come with confidence in Him!!!