Until Death Do Them Part

Drink in the beauty of this picture...

I will tell you a precious, tear-producing, heart melting story soon.

I have never met this aged, frail couple, and will not meet her, now, until my death is upon me.

In this picture you see Mr. and Mrs. Burns Bornes. She passed away just this Saturday. I did not know she had died when I posted this picture on Sunday. My account will be all the more beautifully painfully to recount because she is gone.

In my last post, "Life and Death by Ministry," I introduced you to retired OMF missionaries who now reside at an assisted living home called Lammermuir. Burns is, and Rachel was, among those servants who are slowly passing away.

Burns and Rachel left all and followed Christ to East Asia. They were missionaries when it was not as "easy" as it can be today. It was dangerous. It was expensive. It was risky. And they loved every minute of it. I have yet to hear their whole story, so I only know bits and pieces of what their life has become in the last 2 months.

Just 6 weeks ago Rachel's health was failing so quickly that the care-givers at Lammermuir realized it was time for her to be moved to the nearby nursing home. JoLene, primary administrator of Lammermuir, says that Burns and Rachel are still as vibrant, in love and gracious with one another as they must have been 50 years ago. She knew the news of Rachel's move would be devistating.

So she concluded that she must tell them seperately, first Rachel, then Burns. I do not know details here... but when JoLene told our staff this story we shed many tears. Once Burns was told that Rachel would be staying at the nursing home, not coming back to Lammermuir ever, he cried. He walked out of the room to where Rachel was.

Hardly able to walk without excruciating pain, Rachel stood and as quickly as she could, moved to Burns. He covered the distance faster than she and they embraced. And they cried.

Wrinkled. Frail. Aged. After nearly 70 years of marriage they would soon be seperated.

Once Rachel was moved to the nursing home Burns called people every day to ask, "Can you take me to Rachel?" Thankfully, many faithful people did.

He sat by her side, talked to her and came home alone each night. She could no longer eat. Her body refused all liquids. She was slowly dying.

Burns did not want to believe what he was hearing when the doctors began to say, "Only a few more days." The pastor, who took Burns to see Rachel, overheard Burns asking her, "Do you still love me? I love you." He made his customary bird calls by her window and she smiled.

She died in her sleep Saturday morning.

Many of you might have heard the new song by Mark Schultz called, "Walking Her Home." It makes me bawl now, for I can only picture Rachel and Burns. What love, what devotion and what faithfulness they had for eachother. You might as well cry too and read the lyrics:

Mark Schultz - Walking Her Home
From the album Broken & Beautiful
Looking back
He sees it all
It was her first date the night he came to call

Her dad said son
Have her home on time
And promise me you’ll never leave her side

The way she laughed, the dress she wore
He’d never felt like this before

Chorus:
He was walking her home
And holding her hand
Oh the way she smiled it stole the breath right out of him
Down that old road
With the stars up above
He remembers where he was the night he fell in love
He was walking her home

Ten more years and a waiting room
At half past one
And the doctor said come in and meet your son

His knees went weak
When he saw his wife
She was smiling as she said he’s got your eyes

And as she slept he held her tight
His mind went back to that first night

Chorus

Bridge:
He walked her through the best days of her life
Sixty years together and he never left her side

A nursing home
At eighty-five
And the doctor said it could be her last night

And the nurse said Oh
Should we tell him now
Or should he wait until the morning to find out
But when they checked her room that night
He was laying by her side

Oh he was walking her home
And holding her hand
Oh the way she smiled when he said this is not the end
And just for a while they were eighteen
And she was still more beautiful to him than anything
He was walking her home
He was walking her home

Looking back
He sees it all
It was her first date the night he came to call

Go ahead, it is ok to cry and when you do, pray for Burns.

NEXT POST:
Farewll Note from a Single Servant

Life and Death by Ministry

Several weeks ago I wrote two posts on ministry called Death by Ministry and Life by Ministry. Now, as the final train of thought regarding ministry, what do the two look like combined?

"For to me to live is Christ,

and to die is gain."

Philippians 1:21

Life is Christ. Death is gain.

Working for OMF International has allowed me an inside glimpse into the life and legacy of countless missionaries. Since Hudson Taylor founded China Inland Mission (which is now Overseas Missionary Fellowship- OMF) there have been many who have joined his vision to spread the gospel in Asia.

Some of these faithful men and women are now very old and "retired" from active missions for health reasons. They reside at an OMF assisted living center in Pennsylvania called Lammermuir. The average age is about 87.

Last week the woman who oversees the care of these missionaries came to our headquarters in Colorado to share the happenings at Lammermuir. She shared many stories about what it is like to live and care for so many elderly people, what she does and how tired she becomes. She rejoiced, though, over the reality that she has the opportunity to serve God's servants in their last days on earth.

These missionaries, in their youth, journeyed thousands of miles away from "home," when traveling was not as easy as it is now, to distant lands. They were instumental in starting churches, translating Scripture and praying for the nations to know Christ.

Now they are weak and frail physically. Mentally, many are still as sharp as they were 50 years ago. They spend countless hours praying for current OMF missionaries in East Asia. They told Jolene to tell us that they pray for us (OMF staff). They pray that we would have health, energy, courage, strength and wisdom. They pray that we will serve Christ with all that we have until our last breath.

And they wonder. They wonder in their old age if they did enough for Christ.

I cried through her whole account of these faithful men and women. Here they are, amazing missionaries from the 1940's who risked life, health and security, wondering if they did all they could.

Can you hear their plea, "DON'T WASTE YOUR LIFE!"

This is the climax of ministry- when life and death are combined. It is not just about death from old age, but death to self and a willingness to die physically for the sake of Christ. To LIVE is Christ and to DIE is GAIN!

Is this Christian life supposed to be seeking the American Dream? Has Christ called us to be "good" people, raise a nice family that goes to church, own a pretty house, make a average salary, retire at 65 and move to Florida where it is warm?

THAT is a tragedy.

Christ did not die so that we can live happy and comfortable.

Jesus said,

"Whoever would save his life will lose it,

but whoever loses his life for My sake

and the gospel's will save it." Mark 8:35

I would rather lose my life for the sake of Christ than waste it.

Irreplaceable Friends

At the Ben Zornes Band Concert Friday:

Me, Katie and Ann Marie

My mom posed us here... it was pitch black and we had no idea what we were doing!

Check it out!

Check out the Overseas Missionary Fellowship's NEW website!

OMF INTERNATIONAL

Can you find my name on it?

Pictures at Last!

Travel pictures... This was my third time flying out West over the Rocky Mountains and EACH time I am in AWE of the beauty!!! I had a connecting flight in Salt Lake City. The lake is HUGE!

So, we were really smart and did not get a picture of Dawn and I after the big SURPRISE at the door! Shame, shame... BUT it was a marvelous success because she was so shocked! So much, in fact, that she closed the door in my face. I shall never forget the look on her face!

One of the cutest babies in the world... besides my children (future of course!), my siblings and any of Matt and Dawn's other children! (I cannot wait to see an Esparza girl!)

The Saturday after Dawn's birthday we went to a hotel on the beach. It was incredibly foggy, but it was a delicious breakfast!

Judah and I in our jammies... he is such a ham for pictures!



Our "together" picture... almost a month behind us now. It was a wonderful trip. We were more relaxed this time, not sick and just being together! I want so much for them to come to Colorado and see my world, visit my people and go to my places! Someday, someday... that's what we always say!

I love you, Dawn, Matt and Judah!

Pop quiz time!

*DISCLAIMER* So, after having some of those closest to me take the quiz and "fail," I have to write a note... First, sorry to those of you who were not satisfied with your under 50% score. I admit that when I designed the quiz I choose answers that I ALL like or would use. Only one, for now, is the favorite. Second, thus the name "quiz" for you are tested between the given answers! I DID try to have one that was WAY off on each answer, you got to give me that! Third, I hope you learned more about me! So, let this be your warning, caution, disclaimer, whatever before YOU take the quiz! So this is me... Take my quiz! Take This Quiz See Scores Make Own Quiz

Are YOU a Coloradan (at heart)?

Everywhere, it seems, people are complaining or bragging about the weather conditions in their respective climate. Complaining there is too much snow; bragging there is so much snow. Complaining they do not have snow; bragging that it is warm. Yesterday we, those of us in the Rocky Mountain Front Range, received 5 more inches of snow. Some would say that as a complaint while others would say it boastfully.

Last week I would have complained. The week before that I was indifferent. In the week before that, I would have been bragging. Now, though, it is becoming normal.

Ice everywhere, ten foot buldoze generated snow mountains in parking lots, getting up extra early to scrape off your car, fighting traffic in low visibility, wearing three layers of clothes, drinking hot beverages at every meal, abiding in single digit temperatures and seeing WHITE where ever you look!

The snow Wednesday was beautiful. Ben, Ann Marie and I had a great time after the Chris Tomlin concert inspecting the individual snowflakes. It was the first time I have EVER been able to see, with my own eyes, the unique characteristics of individual snowflakes. It was so cold that they were not melting. They were sticking to the car window, giving us a perfect inspection field.

I cannot even begin to describe the beauty of what I saw. So I won't even try. All I will say is, "Blessed be the name of the Lord; He who created the monsterous galaxies in the universe also fashioned gazillions of snowflakes on Wesdnesady... and Thursday... and Friday. I love You, Creator!"

So, as a tribute to the state of Colorado, my home for 14 years and, if I may say so, the best state ever... please read on:

You know you are from Colorado if....

You'll eat ice cream in the winter.
(High temp yesterday was 16 and I had ice cream)

When the weather report says it's going to be 40 degrees, you shave your legs and wear a skirt.(Girls only, please! I saw a guy in shorts and flip-flops when it was 30 degrees last week...)

It snows 5 inches and you don't expect school to be cancelled.
(Unless there is 10 inches on the ground already... or 25 for that matter)

You'll wear flip flops every day of the year, regardless of temperature.
(Yep, pretty much)

You have no accent at all, but can hear other people's. And then you make fun of them.
(We don't have acccents, seriously, and we do tease a little...)

"Humid" is over 25%.
(We have to drink our humidity if we want it)

Your sense of direction is: Toward the mountains and Away from the mountains.
(If I EVER move someplace that is FLAT I will be LOST all the time. Everyone here says the same thing and if they lived somewhere else before having mountains they are not sure hoe they EVER got around without them. You never say, "Head west." You say, "Go towards the mountains.")

You say "the interstate" and everybody knows which one.
(Until I read this I had never thought about it, but it is incredibly true. The funny thing... there are a dozen interstates around, but somehow we just know!)

You think that May is a totally normal month for a blizzard, and you grew up planning your Halloween costumes around your coat.
(Hahahahahahaha... yep)

You know what the Continental Divide is and you have been there- several times.
(And you frequently talk about "the passes" and know in general where they are.)

You were tear gassed at college and you can't even remember why....something about football...
(HA HA. If you do not get that, you are not from Colorado.)

You've gone off-roading in a vehicle that was never intended for such activities.
(SO true!)

You own an SUV. Or two. Or three. And you brag or complain about gas mileage.
(Our household only has one.)

You always know the elevation of where you are.
(Of course... who doesn't? Elevation where I am at right now is 5,544 feet above sea level. Where I live is 5,670 feet above sea level.)

You wake up to a beautiful, 80 degree day and you wonder if it's going to snow tomorrow.
(In the fall and spring it is possible... and I have warn shorts one day, sweaters the next and shorts on the third day.)

You get frustrated when people confuse Wyoming with Kansas, Nebraska, Colorado, or "one of those other big square states out west."
(YES.)

When you hear that the Chiefs and the Raiders are having bad seasons, you laugh uncontrollably.
(Well, maybe not me, but everyone else does. There are city riots between these fans and Bronco freaks too!)

Every movie theater has military and student discounts.
(Yep.)

Everybody wears jeans to church.
(Yep.)

It is common for your out-of-town guests to faint/throw-up from altitude sickness on a picnic to the mountains.
(Yep. Dawn, are you excited about coming to visit???)

When people out East tell you they have mountains in their state too, you just laugh.
(Pretty much.)

You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels "sticky" and you notice the sky is no longer blue.
(Ahhh... I love Colorado!)

You know how to get to Focus on the Family, Garden of the Gods, Boulder, all ski resorts, Casa Bonita and the 16th Street Mall.
(and, if you are a Christian you know how to get to Riverside Baptist Church! You remember Rick Ferguson and you know how, and when, he died.)

You know how to pronounce Berthoud, Genesee, Pueblo and Vail.

You laugh at people who have all matching ski gear and mutter, "Tourist."
(Lepard print outifts are my favorite and I mutter, "Californian." I love people from California, Dawn, but no one else wears lepard print gear.. save for maybe New Yorkers.)

You own 10 pairs of gloves, wool socks, 3 pair of long underwear and jackets to match anything.
(Just 10?)

If none of the above made sense to you, then you are probably not from Colorado!

Now, can anyone tell me what the proper order is for the following (they are not in order):
1- Scrape ice on windshield.
2- Brush snow off of windshield.
3- Brush snow off of hood.
4- Pull windshield wipers up off of windshield.
5- Start car.
6- Turn heater inside car on.
7- Turn defrost on.
8- Get in car to leave.

If you can put them in the right order you...
1- ...asked a Coloradan for help.
2- ...are really smart.
3- ...are a really good guesser.

I spent over an hour uploading pictures from my trip to California. Then, blogger decided to wipe them all out for me.

Nice, huh?

I will post more later, but all I have to say about my trip:

AMAZING!!!!!

Life by Ministry

I titled the last post, "Death by Ministry." I knew that may come across as harsh, cold and arrogant. So, I wanted to assure you that, although much pain and heartache is associated with "career" ministry, there is much life as well. This life cannot be experienced any other way than by serving people.

And that is what engergizes, motivates and encourages the pastoral heart.

When you are in ministry you see and experience things that no one else does. You sit bedside with the dying and the next moment craddle a newborn baby. You give pre-marital counseling and accept the divorced. You support weddings, attend countless graduations and do funerals. You comfort the grieving, rejoice with the celebrating, cry with the discouraged, smile with the newly engaged, facilitate programs, host parties, attend parties, go to countless conferences, retreats and concerts, travel the world and meet a ton of people!

Growing up in the home of a minister was normal for me and ministering to people was life. As a family we absolutely love serving people. I remember many times when we would get phone calls in the middle of the night with prayer requests, hospital runs and "It's a boy!" news. The week of "Vaction Bible School" was a nightmare for all church staff, though, for a staff member and their family might as well move into the church that week! Hahaha... good times. :-)

Now that my dad is not an official "pastor," it feels a tad strange. Yet, the more we are outside of the "job" of pastor, we see how much more freedom there is to do ministry! I can tell you, when your paycheck is attached to ministry, everyone feels the freedom to boss you around. Since my dad has been a property manager, he is free to serve without political church restraints. And serve he has been able to do! After two months at the new job he has had numberous employee hospital visits, financial counseling and went to a funeral.

A pastor like my dad and D. can choose to turn their back on ministry or they can realize that ministry is life- whether you are "employed" by the "local" church or not. When you have been called by God to minister to people the calling does not vanish when the church asks you to leave. No matter what humans, who are imperfect, say about a person's calling, God has a plan that cannot be avoided so easily.

The situation in the "local" church can be discouraging if you look at the politics. God has been gracious to me by allowing me to step outside the church for a while to watch THE Church. Now that I work at a para-church mission organization I am able to watch first hand how God is moving among the people's of the world and His global Church.

And She (the Bride of Christ) is beautiful. She is generous, loving, compassionate and kind. She cares for the poor, feeds the hungry, attends the sick, comforts the orphan and weeps with the widow. She is putting her life on the line to take the gospel where it is not allowed to go. She is translating the Bible into hundreds of new tongues. Many times she is unknown for her acts of bravery and kindness.

There is a silence betwen Hebrews 11 and 12 where the writer skips from his, as many call it, "Hall of Faith" to a general "cloud of witnesses." You and I are in that break until our death when we join the "cloud." The gap includes amazing people like Count Zinzendorf of the Moravians (if you don't know who that is, do some research), William Tyndale, Martin Luther, Amy Carmichael, Hudson Taylor, Jim Elliot and many more.

Several weeks ago I learned of a woman who died last March. My job for OMF International is to process the specialty donations we receive like estates, trusts and stocks. A week before Christmas I pulled a normal looking letter out of an estate envelope. The letter read as usual until I saw, "the percentage of this estate desiganted to you is: 100%." That was odd, since usually we are only allocated as 1% or 10%.

I read on and suddenly stopped, gawking. Did that really just say what I think it said? It detailed, "The balance of this account, as of (the date) is...$xxx,xxx.xx" Were there really that MANY numbers? I read and reread the letter to make sure I had correct reading comprehension skills. I began showing it to others in the financial department. We excitedly agreed- 100% MUST be 100% of THAT number!!!

The director of personel came up to ask a question and I showed him the letter. He about jumped out of his skin with excitement and laughed, "Let's go tell the leadership team right now, they are having a meeting!!!" He about drug me down tot he meeting, threw open the doors and bounced in declaring, "Jaclyn has something to share with you all!"

There I stood, letter in hand, gazing at the top leaders (about 15) of Overseas Missionary Fellowship. They stared at me curiously so, shaking with excitement, I began to recite the news. Right before I read the line with the amount I began to get teary. Great, I thought, here I am infront of all of these men crying! I looked up and I could see that they understood the seriousness of what I was reading. I smiled and continued.

When I read the amount a vast display of emotions erupted- some clapped, others shouted "Praise God" and the rest sat shocked with awe. For dramatic emphasis I read the last line again. The president motioned me to his side and I showed him the letter. I cannot even begin to describe the look on his face. I will never forget it as long as I live.

The question we all asked, "Who was Grace Chiu and why did she leave OMF her estate?" We began the detective work and discovered very little. All we knew at that time is that she called us three years ago to put us in her will. We finally found more information:

"Aside from what we already know: Grace and her family were originally from Hong Kong. Grace became a believer in high school in HK, coming to the US by herself to pursue undergraduate studies. After receiving her doctorate in chemistry a few years later she remained in the US in Pensacola, FL except for a brief time back in HK to teach. Lena and Grace's brother came to Canada at around the same time as Grace's coming to the US. Their parents followed and lived with Lena and her husband in Canada until their deaths. Grace visited them in Canada often over the years. Grace never married and had no children. She died of lung cancer after a 3 year illness. Upon learning of her illness, she retired and move to Toronto to be closer to her family. The vast bulk of her estate is represented by the OMF gift. OMF is well known to the family and it did not surprise Lena that we were named a beneficiary. The only surprise was that Grace did not also name the University of West FL or others. The endowment in Grace's name at the university was established by Lena and her husband."

Please visit this memorial website and rejoice with all of us at OMF:

Grace Chiu

Death by ministry. Life by ministry. Then there is the third combonation: Life and death by ministry, but I will save that for another post...

Death by Ministry

It has been a while since I posted something significant here. The holidays, blizzards, work and family have definately been keeping me busy! Did you hear that Colorado is to get yet another snow storm, number four, that could be WORSE than the first (that was 30")? Most of us do not believe it will really be that bad... but in Colorado, you NEVER know!

This holiday season marked one year since my dad was asked to resign from his associate pastor position at our church of seven years. The new senior pastor told my dad he did not have a call to ministry and did not fit at the church anymore. The deacons, many of whom had been my dad's supprt (or so we thought), stabbed him in the back with harsh words, verbal condemnation and social manipulation. In an instant we were asked to leave our church, friends and job. It was awful. We struggled as a family, for sure, with bittnerness, anger, pain, rejection, heartache and denial. We asked many questions like, "How could a body of believers do this?" "God, what is Your purpose?"

The last year has been a constant journey of faith. Many days we cried. Other days we worried where the next house payment would come from. Then we cried some more. We wondered if friends from the church would call. The phone remained silent. We heard through twisted grapevines that the church had been told we willingly resigned. Lies, of course. We cried some more.

Yet, God gave us divine strength to face unimaginable rejection.

You truly cannot understand the pain that a pastor and his family faces when those who they serve shoot them in the back. A pastor and his family will spend years pouring their love, life and soul into a church body and many times face rejection as the only "thank you."

Trust me, I know it is not the case for every church every where, but let me tell you something. In the last year we have had at least 5 pastor friends face the exact thing we went through. There are books, seminars and entire counseling offices dedicated to pastor's and their families who have been abused by the church. It is a real problem in the church today and until someone has the courage to stand up to the political pastoral abuse, then it will continue.

If you do not believe me yet, read this edited email my dad got YESTERDAY from a close friend: (I have put things in bold that are common things that happen when pastors are asked to resign)

Well, the other shoe fell here in PA. The perfect church (LOL) turned out not to be so perfect. After T. (his wife) finished doing the children’s musical on Christmas, I was called to the church on Dec 28th and they said you still have not improved and we have gotten complaints. Which he never told who the complaints were from. The last time I knew there was a problem was in September and then in Oct the chairman said the book was closed everything was good. Then bam.

My last day was Dec 28th. I was not even allowed to go to the church. They said turn over your credit card and keys. But of course the church was told I resigned. I totally understand how you felt now.

There are no words. Anyway, I thought I owed it to you to let you know. I can tell you that for sure I am done with the ministry. I will not put my family through this anymore. I can be a Sunday school teach with no pain and no hassles. The first church was bad but this time the Pastor had OCD. He wanted an older guy yet a guy who did not know anything or had not been around the block. Very strange. I know I have flaws, but I never expected this.

God Bless
A Fellow Persecuted Servant of the King,
D.

Unbelievable, huh?

Who gives the church the right to tell a man, who has been called of God to be a minister, to leave? There are secret meetings, backbiting, gossip, complaints and just like D. said- bam, they blind-side you with a request to leave.

Now, maybe one day when I am not so frustrated I will bring out Scripture... but right now I am incredibly burdened.

I am burdened for the Church who runs the body of Christ like a business- hiring and firing as if they are the CEO. I am burdened that there are elders and deacons running churches who are ill-qualified, not having their own homes in order and who cannot correctly handle God's Word. I am burdened for the children of our churches who are growing up with horrible examples.

When my mom and dad shared the email from D., you should have seen the look on my younger siblings faces. Then, cynically joking, Timothy said, "Sounds like how all pastors resign these days." An eleven year old said that. An eleven year old who has watched his dad face this kind of forced resignation.

I will get off of my soap box, for now, after I say one more thing.

God will hold the church responsible for how they follow (or don't) God's appointed leaders. In the same way, God will hold pastors responsible for how they lead (or don't) a church. God is a just God.

Treat your pastor's with respect- and never think your church is above political pastoral abuse. More happens behind close doors than you realize.

Things to Come

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

(see A Distant Thunder for my thoughts on the year past and the one to come!)

The Ben Zornes Band

Check out their websites at: BZ Band and The Ben Zornes Band

Ben's first acoustic single, "Holy God, Humble King," can be heard on The Ben Zornes Band MySpace. Once they reach 500 plays on this song then Ben will upload a portion of the second song. I am so excited for Ben as I watch him mature musically. The band, as a whole, is incredible too! Caleb is the world's best percussionist. Greta, the only girl, is doing FANTASTIC on the bass. Vince is a crazy good electric guitarist and accompany acoustic. Really, you cannot understand how good he is until you listen to him. There there is Ben. I AM biased, of course, since he is my brother, but I think he is the best singer/ songwriter/ guitarist ever!!!!!

I cannot wait to see where they go as a band. Pray that God will open doors to spread His fame. This band has a heart to proclaim God's glory to the nations. It is not about fame or fortune. Take it from someone who sees all four of these people on a regular basis.

It is about Jesus.

Blizzard 2006

December 20, 2006

HAPPY BIRTHDAY,

Victoria!

Did YOU order a blizzard???

Welcome to our neighborhood...

... we would love to have you come in...

...if we could open the door.

Timothy is building a tunnel in the five foot drift....

...and Samuel is saying, "We love Colorado!"

Ben becomes the sledpuller and Samuel is grateful. This picture is amazing, if you have been to our backyard, because right after where Ben is standing there is a little hill that continues to slope to the fence. In this picture it looks like it is flat and with the snowpack it almost is!

This is my favorite snowdrift picture:

The day after it quit snowing- notice the blue sky! We had 36" of snow in 36 hours and the next morning it is sunny and clear! This is one of the reasons I LOVE Colorado!!!

This is Ben using the snowblower the day after it stopped snowing.

This is our neighbor, Ryan, snowboarding off of a pile of snow (that was bulldozed into a mini mountain by a neighbor's truck). They were holding a rope that was attached to a snow mobile and launching themselves over the mound. Ok, so this is what we do with blizzards, ok? We ARE professionals here!

And last, but FOR SURE not least, is a picture of Samuel and I-

Are YOU sober?

Several years ago I read this article on Ladies Against Feminism. At that time, all of my hopes and dreams were being pulled out from under me. I had been engaged and planning a wedding. When that relationship fell apart, I began to face all kinds of doubts, questions, fears and insecurities. I knew it was a crucial time spiritually for me.

I had a choice to make. Would I allow the fleshly emotions to control me or would I rise up in truth? The easiest path would have been to wallow in self-pity, misery, anger and bitterness. It was a battle like I had never faced before and haven't since.

This article was a key turning point for me. Would I be a sober woman? The answer was, "If I want to obey Christ, I must." It was painful for a while until true joy began to shine through!

When I started this blog I remembered the article. As a woman, what did I want to convey about myself? What do I want people to know about me from the first time they look at my blog? Three things, besides my deep love for God, were the result: purity, sobriety and simplicity.

Several people have asked me, "Why is your blog address 'sobrietyandsimplicity'?" Well, the first answer is, "pureandsimple" was alreday taken. The second answer is that I want people to know I am seeking sobriety of mind, will and emotions. I want to be a woman that has her heart based in truth- not emotions.

So, read on and maybe you will discover freedom like I did!
(Guys, you can read too, the Bible commands sober men too!)

Wanted: A Few Sober Women
By Miss Christie Ballmann

Sobriety is not a trait that attracts much attention among women in our generation. Typically, it brings to mind Prohibition era rallies, off–the-road Breathalyzer tests, or AA meetings. If a pollster were to walk up and ask if I consider myself an overall sober woman, I’d probably give an amused grin. I don’t even walk down the liquor aisle at the grocery store, of course I’m sober. By God’s grace, it is just not an issue for me.

But that is going by my definition of sobriety; God’s definition is a whole other matter.

What is Sobriety?
Two words translate “sobriety” or “sober” in the New Testament. Nepho, the first, carries the most popularly understood definition of abstaining from wine. It is the Greek word used in I Tim. 3:11, “Even so must their wives be grave, not slanderes, sober (nepho).” Nepho is also used in I Thes. 5:6,8; I Pet. 1:13; I Pet. 5:8.

Second, there is the sophrosune sort of sobriety found in Titus 2:4, I Tim. 2:9; 2:15; 3:2. Sophrosune (So-fros-oo-nay) is the Greek word used in Scripture to describe the beautiful character of a self-controlled woman, a woman who by definition moderates her opinion and passions with truth and is sound of mind. This lady takes her emotions and thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ.

The glaring opposite of sophrosune sobriety is extreme or unbridled emotion. Sadly, examples are prolific. We don’t have to look far to spot an emotional woman or girl. The world, the flesh, and the devil are experts at throwing the most outrageous, albeit subtle, lying emotions into a woman’s mind. You may recognize some of them:
"I’m a failure."
"I’m ugly."
"I’ll never be able to change."
"God can’t handle this situation."
"I deserve better."

Lack of biblical sobriety is displayed when we fail to bridle these un-Scriptural emotions. Rather than putting the lies to death by confronting them with truth, we tolerate them. Sometimes we even embrace them. This tragedy is the fountain of all the yucky emotional quagmires we face: selfishness, condemnation, pride, envy, guilt, etc... Consequently, strife and spiritual defeat leave us wanting to pull our hair out, cry in shame, or run away to the remote ends of the earth. We feel angry and then we act on mere emotions, then we feel worse yet, and the cycle continues. It delights the enemy to see women caught in such a trap.

Of course, not all emotions are bad. Some are wonderful gifts we can offer back to God, like the love that swells in our breast when we hold an infant close, or the delight of looking at a sunset painted across the sky.

The striking deficiency of sober women has set me pondering the tendencies of my own heart. Do I pass God’s sobriety test? Sobriety is certainly not a natural inclination of my flesh. My mind will no more spontaneously go God-ward and dwell on truth than my dog, Beau, takes to having a bath. "The carnal mind is enmity against God" (Romans 8:7). Sobriety is hard work; my flesh and my mind are inclined to sloth!

Both Old and New Testament brim with passages that let me know God is very much concerned with what I allow my mind to dwell on, all 86,400 seconds of each day. He sees the innermost ponderings of my heart—lying on my bed in the darkness of night, standing in line at Wal-Mart, or driving to church each Sunday. He longs to be glorified in my mind; He longs to see me express my love to Him with my entire mental capacity. I can’t do either when I let emotions have free reign.

How then, does a woman adorn herself with sobriety in a culture that is completely given to whimsical indulgence of emotions?

Cultivated Sobriety
The most beautiful promise for women desiring sobriety comes from John 8:32 “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” It is the Truth of Scripture that sets us free to be the feminine, joyful, creative, gentle, uncompromising women God desires us to be.

Cultivating sobriety requires intentional feeding on truth. “Teach the young women to be sober (sophrosune)…” Titus 2:4 is not just a passive suggestion, it is a command. Sobriety is built into our lives as we discipline ourselves to act upon God’s Word as truth.

Without Scripture, any attempt to develop sobriety is frivolous. Sheer will power is not enough to withstand fierce emotional storms. It is the Bible that anchors and moderates our opinions and passions. The more we saturate our mind with Scripture, the less room we have to embrace lies from the enemy.

All this, however, is only offensive preparation. When lying emotions come we must be ready to follow Christ’s plan of defense.

What is the truth in this situation?
Scriptural reference to the mental process of thinking can be divided into two categories: God’s thoughts and man’s thoughts. Our instruction from God is to think less like earth-bound humans and evermore like the redeemed, royal daughters of the Most High that we are. If we are going to do royal battle against the lies that come our way, we must be able to recognize these carnal thoughts for what they are and replace them with God’s thoughts.

The LORD has blessed me with the example of several dear ladies who intentionally mentor sobriety. One of the most useful pearls of wisdom one of these ladies shared was to ask the question, “What is the truth in this situation?” I am amazed how this simple question can calm a sea of emotion.

I faced an emotional battle earlier this week that God no doubt orchestrated for purpose of illustration. These lying emotions came on quite suddenly after an accident in the kitchen. I know it sounds most odd, but I actually broke our new microwave. It had been a long, demanding day and this expensive accident before bed seemed, at that moment, proof that I was a failure. (Self-condemnation is always a brilliant emotional attack, especially when we are tired.) The more time I spent dwelling on my mistake, the more my day seemed to multiply with failures. I am ashamed of my initial response. I was angry; I began pouring out a torrent of condemning tears in self-pity, giving in to all those awful emotions. I certainly didn’t feel like looking for the truth. As the inner battle raged, the Holy Spirit kept calling me to sobriety. Finally, I let out a very weak, desperate prayer, “Dear God, what is the truth in this situation? Help me see the truth.”

As I began to repeat precious truths, out loud, my mind found her anchor. It went something like this:

"I am a sinner saved by grace;"
"I am a work in progress, but He will be faithful to complete that which He has begun;"
"God never gives up on me, and He will never call me a failure (even if I break the microwave);" "Dwelling on me and my mistake is prideful; it does not glorify God;"
"The Lord God is faithful and compassionate, and abounding in mercy."

A quote by Corrie ten Boom came to mind: “Look outward and be distressed. Look inward and be depressed. Look upward and be at rest.” When I turned my mind from self and onto truth, rest came.

Toss the Lie, Cling to the Promise
Once the lie is recognized we stand at a point of decision: embrace the lie or take the lie captive to Truth. We must not hesitate. There is but one battle cry for unlawful intruders into our mind: "No quarter! I am Christ’s; He has purchased and redeemed me for His kingdom with His blood. Get behind me, satan; I choose to trust the promises of Truth."

I faced this crossroad that night as I cried over the broken microwave. I had a choice.

Satan cannot win an emotional attack when we wield the sword of the Truth. There is no lie that does not have a truth as revealed in Christ Jesus. That is why it is so vital that we have our arsenal full of truth. When attack comes, we can have more than John 3:16 to quote back. Our sword must be direct and sharp.

One of my mentors suggested keeping a journal of Truth to record promises of Scripture to read when feeling overwhelmed. This is a valuable sobriety training resource.

Here are a few examples:
Am I feeling guilty? What is the truth? If I have broken God’s law, I must repent, seek restitution, and press on humbly by grace. Anything that demands more is a lie (I John 1:9; II Cor. 2:7; Heb 12:11; Phil 3:13).
Am I feeling discontent? What is the truth?God has provided food, clothes, and a shelter (I Tim 6:8).I have a relationship with Jesus Christ that promises hope and future (Jer. 29:11). God promises to withhold no good thing from those who walk uprightly (Ps. 84:11).
Am I feeling anxious about terrorism?
Am I feeling “put out” serving my family, again?
Am I feeling overwhelmed with my “to do” list?
What is the truth in this situation?

Your journal of truth can be as personalized as you want. The key however, is not just having these truths written down, but claiming them when the dishes are piled high, children are fussing, bills are due, and weariness is bone deep. One need not feel sober before displaying this character. Most frequently we will act out of obedience. A quote by Elisabeth Elliot nails the point, “When the will of God crosses the will of man, one of them must die.”

Holiness with Sobriety
Developing sobriety is a life-long assignment; it takes discipline of will over emotion. Most of all, it takes faith in Jesus Christ. However, with God’s Word at our disposal, the Christian wife, mother, and daughter is absolutely capable of soundness and stability in her mind.

Does this mean we are never allowed to have weak moments, times of discouragement? No. But it does mean that we recognize our discouragement when it comes, acknowledge our weakness, and ask for a flood of prayer, counsel, and truth to be spoken to us.

I continue to sit in God’s classroom of sobriety, trying to learn how He would have me apply His Word to every situation without hesitation. I know that when I do fail, He does not want me to linger in my failure. God calls me to repent, get up and press ahead. “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before” Phil. 3:13.

Jesus Christ is calling for “daughters of Sarah” (I Peter 3:6). He is looking for women who will saturate themselves in the truth and calmly face emotional lies with the sword of His Word. May we each day rededicate our mind and heart to continue that race marked out for us, “in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety” I Tim. 2:15.

My Friends

My Family

I thought I would post a picture fest of my family, immediate and extended. I love my family, quirks and all, so very much! I do not even want to know how lonely life would be without them!

Two of my family members have celebrated monumental birthdays the last month. My dad turned 50 and my grandpa reached 80. "SURPRISE, dad!" And he was, can you tell? We had told him that Ben and the band were doing a concert for a young adult group at this church. My dad had not been feeling well that day and told Ben, "I'm sorry, I don't think I am going to come tonight." He almost panicked, but with puppy dog eyes (that Ben is VERY good at) pleaded, "Dad, it would not be the same without you." So he came. We were ALL glad he did!!!

Next, my family gathered with my mom's siblings to congradulate my grandpa on 80 wonderful years! He is an amazingly wonderful grandpa. I cannot believe he is 80. He was 57 when I was born, isn't that incredible??? We got him a rubber band shooter. He was tickled and gave us a detailed description of the homemade ones he used to make when he was younger. He also shared some things about the world he grew up in and the tension that existed with Iwo Jima. What a wonderful, wise and generous man he is! I love you, Grandpa!

My aunt, Bonnie (left), bought my dad a black birthday cake, which we ate the day after Thanksgiving (still stuffed, mind you). They (not WE) had a great time making a royal mess with the black frosting. What can I say, this is my family. :-)

Samuel absolutely loves our cousin, Aaron. He laughed and laughed when he put the "hat" on Aaron and Aaron promptly put the other arm chair cover on Sam. Aaron is a faithful family man and comes to see us every time we are in Cheyenne. He loves to beat us all at croquet, eat and tease.

Isn't this picture of Tori with the bulb awesome? She is a precious girl and i am so thankful God gave me a sister! She is quickly becoming a young lady who can cook, clean, sew, crochet, dance, etc. My favorite sister, too!

How cute are these two? Katie came with us to my grandparents to celebrate my grandpa's birthday. Since Katie is apart of our family, she has come to several holidays, been at birthday parties, events, celebrations, etc. My grandpa LOVES Katie and always reminds me what a wonderful friend I have, "She's like a sister to you, Jaclyn." Well, my grandpa was quite devistated when I told him I had decided to take a new job. He questioned my intentions and asked, "What about Katie? I sure hope you will be friends with her still. She is a good friend to you. When will you see her? She is such a good friend for you." So when Katie surprised him and came for his birthday "party", My grandpa was very excited to see us together and declared that it was "so good to see us (Katie and Jaclyn) together."

Can a little boy BE any cuter than this???

Timothy, Timothy, where is your head? We went to an energy plant for a fieldtrip. I have no idea how we decided to do this and take a picture, but we did. Notice the shirt he is wearing, for it is what makes this picture hysterical!

Then there is me, yes, a self-portrait-stick-your-arm-out-as-far-as-you-can-so-the-picture-might-turn-out.

Introducing...

Renaissance

Jonathan Barrick

I have the honor of working with Jonathan at OMF International. I thought I would link his blog and MySpace for all of you to read. The music on MySpace is Jonathan and he is finishing his CD this month. Look for it soon in stores everywhere! (I think I should get a free CD for that advertisement.)

Also, for those of you who did not know, my brother Ben (links on left), recorded his first two songs in October. He just received the copyright confirmation. The songs will be uploaded to his music myspace page soon!

They sound INCREDIBLE. I am not speaking from the bias of my sisterly connection. Ben has incredible talent! I cannot wait for you to hear them! Until then I will sing it for you...

Ben

"Holy God, Humble King, there is nothing hindering You, Mighty Lord, Righetous Son, You are the Precious One..."

from Holy God, Humble King, yes, copyrighted by Ben! (so don't steal ;-) )

Mysteries of Immanuel

Immanuel. God with us. Divinity in the flesh.

There is no greater mystery than God, in all of His Infinite Majesty, becoming a tiny baby. Creator of the heavens and the earth, All-Knowing Encyclopedia, Ever-Loving Father and any other praise worthy title you can think of- He wrapped Himself in humanity.

A baby. I cannot wrap my mind around the concept. God became a baby. It is easier to think of Jesus as a man, walking around
confronting the religious tyrants... but a BABY? A helpless, squirmy, crying baby? A baby that spit up, cooed, wore diapers and burped when Mary patted his little back?

Unbelievable.

Wednesday night (November 29th) my family saw a preview of the movie, The Nativity Story. If you have not seen it as of yet, do. Take tissues. You will need them.

The above picture was one of my favorite scenes. I have not yet had the honor of bearing a child, but I have been able to feel numerous babies in the womb as they shift around, press and kick. It is an amazing thing. There is something so strange about thinking how giddy Mary must had been, like every other first time mom, when she felt Jesus move for the first time.

I am at a loss for words. I wish I could communicate the thoughts and emotions that I had when I was watching the movie. He was real. God became man. I cannot say it enough...

God. Became. Man.

No Surprises Here

I stepped into my new job at a perfect time. Initiative360 was just beginning a new program to assess staff skills, strengths, hindrances, motivations and personality. Hopefully, this test will be used one day to help churches, teams and families better understand their gifts and calling in life.

The test took me a little over an hour and covered everything from preferred tasks to logical problems. It was an interesting test and I would be SO curious for all of you to take it!

I got my results last Thursday and nothing suprised me. So, would you like a run-down of who I am (according to this test)? You don't have a choice... (the scale is 1 to 10, with 1 being on the low side of the description and 10 being identical to the description. I did not type out the whole descriptions, but the key words and characteristics.) I also put things in green bold that I agreed with about myself and italicized in orange thoughts I had about the results. Let me know if you have questions or if something surprises you! :-P

Thinking Style
Learning Pace 9- Learning, reasoning and problem solving potential.
Verbal Skill 10- Vocabulary skills.
Verbal Reasoning 8- Using words as a basis in reasoning and problem solving.
Numerical Ability 9- Numeric calculation ability. This surprised me at first, but then I remembered how easy the mathematical questions had been!
Numeric Reasoning 10- Numbers as a basis in reasoning and problem solving. I LOVE logical math problems such as "What number comes next in this pattern 1, 3, 6, 8, 11, 13?"

Occupational Interests
Enterprising 5- Seeks to promote change through ideas, products and services.
Financial/ Administrative 8- Interested in activities such as organizing information. Seeks consistency, predictability and control. Umm, yes. This is not so much financial, like accounting, as it is administration. Although, I do enjoy some accounting and attention to financial detail.
People Service 8- Seeks to be of genuine help to others in need. Which, as you see later, is my "motivational" ie, spiritual gift.
Technical 2- Interested in scientific activities, technical data and research. Usually good at trivia. HA. I think the only thing that I can slightly agree with is the research. NEVER force me to play a game of trivia. I might cry. I am all about logic, not random facts.
Mechanical 5- Interested in working with tools, seeks to see tangible results as a result of labor. Usually fond of the outdoors.
Creative 10- Interested in activites using imagination, creativity and original ideas. Seeks to be different. If I am not allowed to let my creative juices flow, either in serving others, teaching or organizing, I will eventually go crazy.

Personality Behavioral Traits
Energy 4- Tendency to display endurance and capacity for a fast pace. Since I am on the lower end of the spectrum, this means that I like a more paced day instead of one that is completely crammed. I can handle a full load for a while, but need a break- especially if the schedule involves a lot of interaction with people.
Assertiveness 4- Tendency to take charge of people and situations and speak up. With this definition, I am surprised that I did not score higher. One of the reasons I scored lower is because I like to have a lot of facts before jumping into a situation.
Sociability 4- Tendency to be outgoing, people-oriented and mixes with others. I score low because after a while, people drain me.
Manageability 5- Tendency to follow policies and work within the rules. Most of the time, but I need to be able to be creative, without crossing moral boundaries. I will follow procedures, unless I think there is a better way to get things done.
Attitude 2- Tendency to have a trusting attitude regarding people and outcomes. When I saw a 2 next to attitude I thought, "Oh dear." But after reading the definition I can totally relate. I am more guarded when I first meet people. I do not trust immediately. I want to see what you are about and then relate to you accordingly. The person who did the assessment said that a low score means a person is VERY discerning.
Decisiveness 4- Tendency to make decisions quickly without additional information. The more facts the better.
Accommodating 6- Tendency to be friendly, cooperative, agreeable and team-minded. I go with the flow, for the most part. I am not hard to please, nor do I get upset easily.
Independence 5- Tendency to be self-reliant, self-directed, and pursue own agenda. Tell me what to do or let me figure it out by myself- either way I am good with it. Being alone is great, being with people is great. Making my own decisions is nice and working things through with advice is good too.
Judgment 5-The Higher scores tend to think clearly (logical and head driven) while lower scores tend to express emotion and feeling (heart driven). I was happy and feel like this score is accurate of me. When making a judgement about something I use about the same emotional energy as I do factual perspective. I will not make a decision based on only facts or only emotions.

Motivational Gifts
Serving 10- Driven to quietly free up others by tirelessly taking care of routine and short-term tasks and details without complaining. Likes to entergetically pitch-in without being asked. Needs to be appreciated. Obviously, since I scored the highest possible number, this must describe me well. And it does. I get so excited and energized by doing small things for people, without being asked. I cannot say that I ALWAYS do it without complaining, but if I know that there is a need I can meet, why complain? I usually am complaining that others are not helping meet needs. I do need to be appreciated. A simple thank you means the world to me.
Leadership 7- Ministers to improve the business side of ministries by increasing efficiency and effectiveness. Irritated by chaos, waste and disorder. Can set goals and delegate. Good creative problem solver.
Prophesying 3- Driven to speak up and assert the truth and stand up for principle. Sees in black and white. Hates evil. Dislikes deception and poor leadership. With this description, I was surprised that I scored low. I think the difference for me in this category, is that I am not brazen or harsh when I assert the truth. I want to be well educated and be able to persuade you instead of beat you up over the truth.
Contributing 4- Driven to accumulate then generously give money, time and other resources to worthwhile causes. Thrifty and economical. Low-key approach.
Mercy 6- Ministers to the hurting and less fortunate. Forgiving. Mantains loving relationships. Non-judgemental unless loved ones are under attack. Self-sacrificing. Avoids confrontation. Genuinely values others. This is the first time I have scored high on mercy in a spiritual gift test. I think part of it is the definition and the other part is growth in my life. I can see how God has shaped me the last year to be a more merciful person. There is too much suffering around me to not see how God can get the glory through ministering to those in need.
Encouraging 6- Offers hope and optimism. Offers positive influence to others. Promotes discipleship. Dislikes criticism, details and inflexibility. I hate it when the very essence of a person's personality is being criticized. I want to see how God has designed people before I judge. I want to encourage them to be more than they are to the best of their abilities to the glory of God. I still have work to do.... for there are some people it is harder for me to encourage than others.
Teaching 8- Driven to accurately clarify the truth. Dislikes ignorance and false teaching. Thorough. Finds new insights others do not see. Likes to share knowledge. In almost every siritual gifts test I have taken since I was a pre-teen these three have been the top: serving, teaching and leadership. Every time. I love to do research and learn. I love to take what I have learned and share it with others in a way that challenges them. I hate ignorance, yes, NOT innocence. Some people should know different... and others have just not yet been taught. There is a difference. False teaching scares me and so I want to know the Truth- the Person and the facts.

When time is nothing...

And nowhere to be found.

I finally have couple moments to write an update. This weekend was extremely busy and I am exhausted. There is also a cold front moving in, which, without fail, gives me a headache. That or the lack of sleep.

(Since I wrote the above paragraph I have gone upstairs to my office, written emails, filed papers, had a meeting and answered 10 phone calls... excuse me, there is number 11. And a person walking in the building.)

So, what was I going to say when I started writing this post?