Reviving the Blog

Several friends have revived their blogs and I am wondering if it is time to do the same with mine. I have said that several times the last year, I know, and it never seems to happen. The same thing will probably happen again. There is always much I want to say and now, more than ever, I know God is teaching me many lessons that could be of encouragement to you.

Yet, I have a problem with blogs. It seems that everyone is trying to be someone. We all want a voice and a place to be heard. I am no different. I want to influence this world with the message of Jesus. He is my peace, hope and joy.

We will see if I come back for good... until then, enjoy this precious face:

Arrow #1

The news of Arrow #1 was thrust into cyberspace (thanks to Facebook) on May 9, 2010: Mother's Day!!! Since the world, or all who really care, now know I thought it was time to start tracking some things on the blog like Katie does.

How Far Along: 22 weeks
Size of baby: 11 inches and almost 1 pound
Total Weight Gain/ Loss: 8 pounds
Maternity Clothes: Just started wearing them! My mom and a few friends have given me some shirts. I have purchased two things so far!
Gender: Surprise!
Movement: Baby is active first thing in the morning, mid-afternoon and as soon as I lay down at night.
Food Cravings: I really do not have any yet...
What I Miss: Ultimate Frisbee
Sleep: Hips are aching, but otherwise I am sleeping great!
Symptoms: I could do without the heartburn. Seriously.
Best Moment of This Week: Swimming last night!
What I am Looking Forward To: Being able to feel the baby (not just movements).
Doctor: My next doctor's appointment is Wednesday May 26.

I cannot believe, first, that I am pregnant and second, that I am over half-way! Lord willing, in 18 weeks we will be holding our first child in our arms. How incredibly amazing and unbelievable!

Yesterday I was watching some birthing videos, which I have done before, but this time it was different. When the little baby was laid on the mother's chest and cried for the first time I got teary and could not shake the emotions for the rest of the day. So very soon that will be Joel and I with our baby!

The Lord is gracious. He gives strength and wisdom. I trust in Him to fill all the areas where I feel so incapable. This child is His. He has given them to us to teach us more about Himself. I rejoice in that and will embrace all that is to come with confidence in Him!!!

Marvelous Mystery

Engagement picture March 2009

Wedding day April 24, 2009

Washington D.C November 2009

Joel and I have been married for 364 days today! Tomorrow is our first anniversary. The weather is supposed to be dreary, but we will celebrate together what God has done with us since last April- and, really, since we met in December of 2006.

²²Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

²⁵Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— ³⁰for we are members of his body. ³¹"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." ³²This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Ephesians 5:22-33

Yes, it is such a "profound mystery" and one that we have not fully grasped as of yet. We have faced our fair share of misunderstandings, arguments and frustrations. We have also had a great many laughs, hours of dreaming, ministering together and enjoying each others presence.

God is teaching us so much about Him, ourselves, one another, ministry, work, love, patience, faithfulness, money, children, missions and much more!

It has been a wonderful year.

The next one will be even better.

The School of Prayer

On occasion Joel and I like to browse through used book selections at thrift stores or stop in at tiny used book stores to scour the loaded shelves. There is something relaxing and beautiful about looking at shelves and shelves of books! And, two hours later, even if we leave emptied handed it does not feel like a total waste of time.

The last time we stopped at the Arc Thrift Store, after our Saturday morning breakfast date at Chik-fil-a, we found several treasures we are quickly devouring:

I am reading with Christ in the School of Prayer by Andrew Murray and Joel is reading Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand. There was a 50% off sale- total spent on these two books- $1.

Andrew Murray must have been an amazing man. He has written convicting and heart-stopping classics (Absolute Surrender and Humility to name just two) that every believer needs to read at least once in a lifetime a year. I know I wish I did!

It seems that the theme of my spiritual growth the last two years has been prayer. My heart longs to know what prayer is, how to pray and at the end of most days I just cry, with the disciples in Luke 11, "Lord, teach me to pray!"

And He is.

Prayer seems easy when it is reduced to petty self-centered petitions that revolve around our wants and materialistic minded "needs." I am harsh, I know, but this reflects most of my prayer life. I was shocked and spiritually traumatized when I met Helen Cox, Caroline Stickley, Eileen Kuhn and Louis Almond. OMF retired missionaries who spent their lives in foreign countries for the sake of the Gospel and who now continue to be poured out for the nations by praying.

If you were able to sit through one prayer meeting with these saints (and they meet twice a day together) you would never pray the same again, I am sure. As they prayed I felt so out of place- like I was eavesdropping on an intimate conversation between Creator and creation!

I want to pray like them, with them and for Him. In prayer I want to throw all my dependence upon the One who knows all and find myself in line with His will.

And now, I'll let Andrew Murray say the rest:

"It is one of the terrible marks of the diseased state of the Christian life in these days (written 1953), that there are so many who rest content without the distinct experience of answer to prayer. They pray daily, they ask many things, and trust that some of them will be heard, but know little of direct definite answer to prayer as the rule of daily life. And it is this the Father wills: He seeks daily intercourse with His children in listening to and granting their petitions. He wills that I should come to Him day by day with distinct requests; He wills day by day to do for me what I ask. It was in His answer to prayer that the saints of old learned to know God as the Living One, and were stirred to praise and love (Psalms 34, 66:29, 116:1). Our Teacher waits to imprint this upon our minds: prayer and its answer, the child asking and the father giving, belong to each other."

with Christ in the School of Prayer
Andrew Murray
Lesson Five- Ask and It Shall Be Given You

Stages of Life

Dawn and I used to blog ALL the time. It seems that Facebook has more than definitely taken the place of our good, old fashioned, blogging days. Still, for me, there is something about writing and reading something profound that pointless status updates will never satisfy.

So, in order to launch into a new blogging season of life I have changed the name of my blog to reflect my life verse:

"You are My witnesses," declares the Lord, "
and My servant whom I have chosen,
to know and believe Me
and understand that I am He.
Before Me no god was formed
nor will there be one after Me."
Isaiah 43:10

May the Lord be glorified in all that is written here.

Spiritual Orphans

Her tiny cry pierced the air in the not so quiet Goodwill late Saturday afternoon. Not many people seemed to notice, but my eyes darted quickly around the room to find the source and my lips formed into a small smile.

She was brand new.

I passed her several times while browsing the skirts, checking the shoes and waiting for those who were shopping with me. The women attending her were of various ages and the sort of people one might label rough.

Her small, helpless, pleading cry continued.

The woman holding her carelessly flopped her around while scolding, "Hush up, quit crying." The one who appeared to be the Mother acted put out, but completely uncaring as she poked at the purses on the wall and advised her Companions coming out of the dressing room. The Holder walked around impatiently patting her on the back with more force than most would ever dream of using on one so little.

And her little cry grew louder in my heart.

Everything in my soul wanted to give her comfort and love like she had never known before. My arms ached with every cry to hold her and give her, even for a moment, a sense of security. My mind began imagining the life she will lead, the people that will be around her and the type of love that will be shown to her.

She is not the only one crying for love.

How many brand new ones are there desperate for love? How many will hear harsh words when all they need is a tender song? How many are lonely? How many are afraid?

There are many brand new ones, little people, children who will grow up spiritual orphans. They will have parents, but no love. They will have food, but no nourishment. They will cry and who will listen?

These times of grave insight and, what I believe is to me, visions of how God sees the world are few and far between. I am grateful when God gives them. When I am tempted to fall into a pattern of mediocrity or apathy it is like He grabs my shoulders, looks into my face and firmly commands, "Open your eyes! Wake up!"

Her cry will continue to echo in my heart.

God's Compassion

Bethany Dillon's music has been speaking to me more the last month or so than anyone else I have listened to lately. She is very insightful and I am sure, sometimes, that she is writing about me!

"Be Near Me"

by Bethany Dillon

~~~

I follow all the rules

Well, at least I'm trying

Hoping when my days are through

You'll be pleased

~~~

I've lived the longest days

Thinking my heart was so bad

Too scared to look in your face

Oh, if only I had

~~~

[Bridge:]

And is it alright

If I stay here all night

By the shoreline

~~~

[Chorus:]

I cannot believe you are angry or unjust

You've done nothing but have compassion on us

So be near me when I've given up

Be near me

~~~

I'm just like everyone else

We are all hiding

Acting like I have a wealth

Of knowledge and peace

~~~

But all I've ever wanted

And what men have given their lives for

Is a God who understands my weaknesses

A God that I can love

~~~

[Bridge]

[Chorus]

~~~

I believe you are good and righteous

You've given me your reckless love

So be near, be near...

~~~

[Bridge]
[Chorus]

~~~

I have recently been reminded of areas of insecurity that I have. It is not a new revelation, but as I think about it this time I am able to see more of the core in my heart. Many times I am not sure where the emotions or feelings come from- they just happen- and sometimes without the slightest warning.

I believe, with all my heart, that unbelief in God's promises is the sin that causes every other sin. When I take my eyes off of Him, His love, His mercy, His grace and His forgiveness I am bound to be miserable one way or another.

Yesterday in our morning devotion Wendell (my boss) read the following quote:

"I think I can trace every scrap of sorrow in my life to this simple unbelief. How could I be anything but quite happy if I believed always that all the past is forgiven, and all the present furnished with power, and all the future bright with hope because of the same abiding facts which don't change with my mood, do not stumble because I totter and stagger at the promise through unbelief, but stand firm and clear with their peaks of pearl cleaving the air of Eternity and the basis of their hills rooted unfathomably in the Rock of God. Mount Blanc does not become a phantom or a mist because a climber grows dizzy on its side."

~James Smetham~

He is so right.

And God is so compassionate. He is so patient.

Beyond the Original

The last few months I have noticed something about our society: people are so unoriginal! There is nothing new under the sun so I am not talking about that kind of unoriginality.

Let me explain.

I am sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I have been asked the same set of questions at least 300 times the last few months. No kidding. It goes like this:

Pre-wedding:
"How is the wedding planning going?"

AND/OR

"Are you excited?"

Now, tell me, what are the answers to those questions? The majority of the people who asked the first question were not inquiring with a desire to help and usually just wanted an avenue to share their wedding planning advice. I certainly did not mind their input, but it just got tiring facing it day after day.

The second question is even more comical. It poses two problems for me-1. I am mostly an introvert. When I am excited I do not jump up and down with glee like some might. I felt like some doubted my excitement to marry Joel and took it as a concern they needed to address. 2. The simple and yet truthful answer, "yes," seems too boring. Therefore, I always wanted to figure out what else they wanted to know about my excitement or explain why my excitement looks like this: :-) instead of this :-D.

Post-Wedding:
"Did you get the Swine Flu?"

"How is married life treating you?"

AND/OR

"Do you still love him?"

I guess the Swine Flu was a big scare while we were gone to Mexico on our honeymoon. I have one thing to say about that: the American Media must have been bored. The second question, wow, I am not sure what to even say. Joel and I have decided to never ask a newly married person that question.

First, "married life" is an inanimate idea which cannot do anything to us that we do not allow it to do. Again, the simple and yet truthful answer, "good," seems too boring for me. I have tried to come up with some good responses like, "God is teaching me a lot," "It's been fun," etc., but those are unoriginal answers to unoriginal questions and that is worse than asking unoriginal questions! ::Sigh:: There is no way to win here!

The last question of wanting to know if I still love him is just, well, strange. What if I said "no"? What would people do? My flesh wants to answer harshly with, "What kind of a dumb question is that? Of course I still love him!" My piety wants to answer, "I vowed to love him so I never will not love him. Love is not a feeling anyway." I just smile and give them the simple and yet truthful answer, "Yes, of course I still love him."

This is not the first time (nor will it be the last... pregnancy is worse I bet!) I have experienced people's lack of originality in question-asking. I guess, this time, it just struck me different as I learn and grow in how I want to relate to people. I am not, in any way, doubting the sincerity of the people who asked me unoriginal questions. I just want to know the heart. I want people to know I care about their feelings, emotions and spiritual well-being. I want to encourage them to follow Christ through the situations in their lives.

There IS one question, though, that I will NEVER get tired of being asked and will continue to ask, "What is God teaching you?" That question can be edited to fit any situation and needs to be asked more than it is.

Jesus was the master of asking the right question at the right time. I am sure he participated in humanly necessary questions like, "How are you? Where is the bathroom? Where is Mary?" Or maybe not, since he knew the answer already... The questions Jesus asked were meant for the hearers and aimed right at the core of their being.

As I got weary of people asking me these questions I thought, "What questions would Jesus ask me at this time in my life? What questions are there in Scripture that I need to asnwer?"

Leaders Are Readers

Joel and I both love to read and, if time allowed, would read all day long. Last Saturday we decided to go look at garage sales to see what we could find, which is kind of odd for two people who hate junk and will have little belongings. We set out at 8:30am.

We discovered that there are four main things people are getting rid of- baby stuff, VHS tapes, the most random junk and books. After buying a handful of books at garage sales we decided to also stop in at a little used book store neither of us had ever visited.

We bought the following (plus some!):

My Husband

I have a husband. His name is Joel. He is amazing. He is definately not perfect, mind you, but has qualities and a depth of character that few men I know can match.

There is a conversation Joel and I had that I will never forget. It was at the beginning of our courtship and it went something like this:

Joel: "You know, Jaclyn, I don't need you."

Jaclyn: "That's good. I don't need you either."

Joel: "My happiness does not depend on you, nor will I let it be based on you. If you decided tomorrow that you did not want to marry me- my life would not be ruined. My first love is Christ and my purpose is found in Him. I don't want a wife just to have a cook and a maid. I believe God has called us together to do more than that for Him."

Jaclyn: "I agree."

I am not sure why I was thinking about it this morning, but I had to smile. That conversation is such a reflection of who we are. And we love each other more because of conversations like it.

We do not need each other. We can be just as happy alone. Our hope and purpose in life is not, nor should it ever be based on one another. If we live with that idea then we run the risk of placing unrealistic expections on people to meet needs that only God Himself can fill in us.

Still, two are better than one. Marriage is designed by God to be the picture of Christ and the Church to the world. We cannot do that alone. Marriage was designed to produce children. We cannot do that alone.

So we do need each other, but our need is not based on us. Our need and desire for one another is so that God may be more glorified in our lives and in this world that so desperately needs Him.

Don't worry, we love each other very much! I belive we have a better and stronger love than those who feel the love that seeks to only please self. I cannot wait until we have been married 5, 10, 15, 25 years and know what true love really looks like.

Jeannie, a woman who has been a mentor to me for over a year now, shared, "You know, Jaclyn, we remember what it was like to be in love the first few years of marriage. It's nice. We have been married 40 years now, though, and love each other more than we ever have before. We would never want to trade what we have now for the young love we had then. It's so weak."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"This (marriage) is a profound mystery—

but I am talking about Christ and the church."

Ephesians 5:32

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blogging Something

So I set up an alarm on my work email for 10AM daily that says, "Blog something" and so far I have ignored it for 3 days. I thought that if I set up a reminder and just got into the habit of thinking about blogging that I magically would start blogging again.

::Sigh::

I think it will be harder than that! :-)

Today has been a good day so far, but my head so desperately wants its pillow. I had lunch with one of my best friends, Darrah, which was truly delightful. Tonight Joel and I will go to the pizza dinner here at OMF with the new missionary candidates.

It was good to talk to Darrah. I have not seen her since the wedding! (Sad, sad!) She made me think about all that has happened in my life the last 2 months. Wow.

I have been reading Hebrews and studying John 15-17 lately. I have also just started a Bible study on Prayer and am reading a compilation of Andrew Murray's writings called, "Teach Me to Pray." Sunday mornings Pastor Ed is taking us through Acts, Joel is leading 1 John with the Jr. High kids, the leaders are reading 1 Timothy, Wednesday night Louie is teaching Titus and Joel and I are picking our way slowly through Psalms. How wonderful it is to be covered with the Word of God. And still I crave more. I cannot get enough. I want to know it inside and out. It want it to be apart of who I am.

So far to go... but, hey, as C.S. Lewis would say, "Further up and further in!"

Here Goes Nothing

::Cough:: Yes, it has been months, again.

I have been through tax season, wedding planning, a wedding, a honeymoon and seven weeks of marriage since I have written here. What a journey it has been!

So, what is there to say that has not already been said by thousands of other people in the course of humanity? Who cares about what I think enough to read this blog? Does it have a purpose? If so, what?

I am a person that likes to have a purpose to all I do- including blogging. Is this blog a place where people are encouraged and God is glorified? Is it just to show off accomplishments, share pictures, make funny quips or rant about how miserable life is?

If so, then I will shut this blog down immediately. Life is too short for that.

God is teaching me a lot right now and I would love to think that me sharing what He is doing in my life will encourage someone. Only He knows.

Unbelieveable

I cannot believe how slack I have become in blogging. Blogging is an interesting thing, anyway, and I think I lost interest in sharing my thoughts with the world.

Yet, I feel like I learn better when I am writing. I wish I could write and keep it simple, but when I get going I do not want to stop... and then it take hours to post one entry (which is why I stopped writing, to some degree.)

I also stopped writing because so much was happening in my life and it was impossible to document it all. I wish I had, to some degree, and then again, some things are better left confined to the heart.

Can I pick it up again? Can I keep it simple?

We'll see...

Meditations Today

I am a thinker. I like to chew on an idea, a verse, a quote or a topic for a long time. I probably think and rethink things too much. As much as I think about things, though, does not mean I am trying to make up my mind. I usually have a decisive, quick and reasonable arguement for or against the thing I am pondering, just ask anyone who knows me well. (Dawn!) It annoys me when people say they do not have a position on a topic (like politics, of late)- I find that to be virtually and logically impossible, especially when in the next breath they are able to come up with a position. And I think, "See, that wasn't hard now was it?"

Anyway, I have been thinking. And thinking. And rethinking.

So, I thought I would share what I have been thinking about today. It may interest you and it may not. In my desire to blog more, it just seemed like a good place to start and to let you inside my brain. That is the weird thing about blogging- I broadcast it on the internet and you read it!

1- Several years ago I found A Challenge to Women. I have mentioned it several times since I began blogging (like here). I continue to read and use it as a constant reminder of what I want to be. Today's Challenges are this:

8. That, if I am single, I exploit my singleness to the full in
devotion to Christ and not be paralyzed by the desire to be married.

9. That, if I am married, I creatively and intelligently and sincerely support the leadership of my husband as deeply as obedience to Christ will allow; that I encourage him in his God-appointed role as head; that I influence him spiritually primarily through my fearless tranquility and holiness and prayer.

Now, here are several of my thoughts on challenge #8:

1. I am single still- in the sense that I am not married.
2. I am not single- in the sense that I have no idea who I may marry.
3. There is no gaurantee that I am going to marry the man that I am courting.
4. How can I use the singleness I have left to the fullest?
5. Have I used the past years of singleness to the fullest?

The last question I try to not ponder too much because I have no control, at this point, on what I did in the past. I have to trust that God will use what I did to His glory and forgive me for any missed opportunities. His Kingdom will still go on as planned. The reason I ponder it is to learn from my mistakes and know how to better encourage completely single women (not married and no man in the picture!).

My thoughts today are focused mainly on, "How can I use the singleness I have left to the fullest?" It is a tough question to answer. First, I have no idea how long it will be until I am married. So, in many ways, every moment needs to be used to its max. Second, I already see how being in a relationship with a man, heading towards marriage, distracts me from serving the Lord. My mind has a lot more factors to consider than I did 5 months ago. My time, attention and desires are divided. Third, there is a hard balance between remaining an individual because we are NOT yet married and at the same time uniting our purpose into one as we head towards marriage.

Now, here are several of my thoughts on challenge #9:

1. I am not married.
2. I may be married soon. (As C.S. Lewis says, "God calls all times soon.")
3. I have a good idea of who I am going to marry.
4. How can I be learning to do the things outlined in challenge 9 right now in preparation for marriage?
5. Who can help me prepare for the role of wife?

Again, I struggle to find a balance between challenge 8 and 9. I am in the middle and need a challenge 8.5, I think! I feel that I need preparation for marriage without assuming that I will be married. Does that make sense?

Part of me feels like I was better prepared for marriage 5 years ago while the other part of me is quick to argue that is not true. The last 2 years I pushed marriage out of my mind in many ways, which was good and bad. Now, though, I wonder if I could have done more to prepare for marriage. Like my thoughts on challenge 8, I will not dwell on what I could have done differently. I must trust God and obey Him now.

The last few weeks I have been thinking and learning a lot about prayer. At this time in my life and my relationship with Joel I feel God focusing my attention on what it means to pray. Not pray. Pray, truly pray. What does it mean to throw all of my dependence on God in prayer- for myself and for others? It is the bedrock of a solid marriage, I am convinced. I want to be the best wife this world has ever seen. There are no books or conferences that can replace a communion with God by prayer for a relationship (any relationship!). It is my prayer that God would teach me how to pray... really pray... as I prepare to be a wife.

The Knowledge of the Holy- Chapter 2

The title of chapter 2, "God Incomprehensible," is enough to deeply challenge a soul to know more of God and cause that same soul to realize God can never be fully known. The fact that God cannot be fully known does not mean that we throw up our hands and say, "Well, then, I am not even going to try." No, it should cause us to desire Him more intimately than ever before. It is a wonder that He would create us and then reveal Himself to us. Our lives should be devoted to knowing Him and making Him known to others.

Truly, what else matters?

Excerpts from chapter 2:

• In Thy Presence silence best becomes us, but love inflames our hearts and constrains us to speak.
• ...God is not like anything; that is, He is not exactly like anything or anbody. We learn by using what we already know as a bridge over which we pass to the unknown. It is not possible for the mind to crash suddenly past the familiar into the totally unfamiliar.
• When the Scripture states that man was made in the image of God, we dare not add to that statement an idea from our own head and make it mean "in the exact image." To do so is to make man a replica of God, and that is to lose the unicity of God and end with no God at all.
• ...whatever we visualize God to be, He is not, for we have constructed our image out of that which He has made and what He has made is not God.
• If all this sounds strange to modern ears, it is only because we have for a full half century [the book was written in 1961] taken God for granted.
• If what we conceive God to be He is not, how then shall we think of Him? If He is indeed incomprehensible, as the Creed declares Him to be, and unapproachable, as Paul says He is, how can we Christians satisfy our longing after Him?
• The yearning to know What cannot be known, to comprehend the Incomprehensible, to touch and taste the Unapproachable, arises from the image of God in the nature of man. Deep calleth unto deep, and though polluted and landlocked by the mighty disaster theologians call the Fall, the soul senses its origin and longs to return to its Source.
• "What is God like? If by that question we mean "What is God like in Himself?" there is no answer. If we mean "What has God disclosed about Himself that the reverent reason can comprehend" there is, I believe, and answer both full and satisfying.

So, praise Him that He chose to reveal parts of Himself to us. And spend the rest of your life knowing Him and making Him known. It's the only thing that lasts.

What Not to Write?

It has been a long time, again, I know.

I remember the days when I was able to blog three, four or five times a week. The last few years as my life schedule has changed I have found myself forgetting to blog. It is not like I do not have anything to talk about, I do. It is just hard to put it into words. It is not that I do not have things to say, I do. It is more like there is less and less time to say them.

God continues to mold me into His image. There is a lot that needs changed, trust me. The older I get the more I see how far I fall short and just how desperately I need a Savior.

So, when there is no time to say anything else, I will leave it at that... and hope to remember to blog before another month passes.

The Face of Life

"Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil.

Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins."

James 4:13-17

Cancer. Car accidents. Death of a child.

It affects us all.

There is no person who has ever lived that has not had to face a tragedy, whether directly or indirectly. I have never been hit by a car (yet). Ann Marie has. I have never had cancer (yet). Luba has. I have never had child die (yet). Suzanne has.

Many times I sit back and wonder why some people have had to go through such physically painful experiences and why my life has been, at least from a physical perspective, easy. My life is not over, yet, so I know that there is as much opportunity as anyone else for me to have cancer, be in a car accident or suffer the death of a child. At this time, though, my thoughts are some where else. How do I comfort? How do I encourage? How do I help?

When Ann Marie tells me they might amputate her legs... what can I do? When Luba shares that she has stomach cancer... what can I do? When a missionary family looses a son... what can I do?

God is in control. It is true. And I believe it with all my heart. It is in these times when my faith is put to the test on behalf of others. It is in these times that I cry out to God from the deepest part of my soul.

It is also, as James says, arrogant for me to plan my days as if I am in control. I could die tomorrow. I could lose my leg, my eye, my child, my job, my money and my life. Where is my hope based? It is based in the reality that all things perish except Christ. Only what is done for Him, by Him and through Him will last.

The Knowledge of the Holy- Chapter 1

The Knowledge of the Holy has proven to be the best book I have ever read in my entire life. It is so simple, straightforward and God-centered, but it is also not a self-help, feel good and mindless read.

The title of chapter 1, "Why We Must Think Rightly About God" lets you know that 1- if you are not thinking rightly about God that you need to, and 2- that thinking rightly about God is very important. I could not agree more.

So, here are some excerpts from this foundational chapter-

• The history of mankind will probably show that no people has ever risen about its religion, and man's spiritual history will positively demonstrate that no religion has ever been greater than its idea of God.
• All the problems of heaven and earth, though they were to confront us together and at once, would be nothing compared with the overwhelming problem of God: That He is; what He is like; and what we as moral being must do about Him.
• The man who comes to a right belief about God is relieved of ten thousand temporal problems, for he sees at once that these have to do with matters which at the most cannot concern him for very long; but even if the multiple burdens of time may be lifted for him, the one mighty single burden of eternity begins to press down upon him with a weight more crushing than all the woes of the world piled on upon another.
• Low views of God destroy the gospel for all who hold them.
• Wrong ideas about God are not only the fountain from which the polluted waters of idolatry flow; they are themselves idolatrous.
• We do the greatest service to the next generation of Christians by passing on to them undimmed and undiminished that noble concept of God which we received from our Hebrew and Christian fathers of generations past.

Summer Reading

The Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer is a book that I have known about and wanted to read for many years. Last year I found a copy at the Arc Thrift store for $1.99, so I bought it. Sadly, it sat on my bookshelf, lonely and unread until this summer. As I was preparing to go to Central Asia I wanted to take a book that would be easy to read and yet be spiritually nourishing. As I skimmed the chapters in this book I realized they are small, to the point and extremely powerful, so I took it with me.

What an encouraging book it has been for me right now!

The first sentence in the preface was so stunning and powerful that I thought, "This is going to be amazing!" Tozer proclaims:

• True religion confronts earth with heaven and brings eternity to bear upon time.

It only gets better from there!

• The low view of God entertained almost universally among Christians is the cause of a hundred lesser evils everywhere among us.
• It is impossible to keep our moral practices sound and our inward attitudes right while our idea of God is erroneous or inadequate.

Yes, Tozer, I agree. Thank you for stating it so plainly.

And that is just the Preface.

It is my goal to take one chapter at a time and give you a few of my favorite quotes. As I have read it my awe and fear of God has been renewed. He is Holy and if we are to be holy we must first know the Holy One in all of His attributes.

Go buy it. It is worth every penny.

Because I was Tagged

Dawn tagged me to do this! Here it goes!

Rules: You must answer the questions using only one word. Then tag four others.

1. Where is your cell phone? Purse
2. Your significant other? Jesus :-P
3. Your hair? Curly
4. Your mother? Friend
5. Your father? Huggable
6. Your favorite thing? Bible
7. Your dream last night? None
8. Your favorite drink? Water
9. Your dream/goal? Travel
10. The room you’re in? Office
11. Your hobby? Reading
12. Your fear? Meaninglessness
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Home
14. What you’re not? Perfect
15. Muffins? Bran
16. One of your wish list items? Laptop
17. Where you grew up? Colorado
18. The last thing you did? Eat
19. What are you wearing? Skirt
20. Favorite gadget? Camera
21. Your pets? Never
22. Your computer? None
23. Your mood? Expectant
24. Missing someone? Dawn
25. Your car? Isuzu
26. Something you’re not wearing? Hat
27. Favorite store? Cheap
28. Like someone? Yes
29. Your favorite color? Purple
30. When is the last time you laughed? Yesterday
31. Last time you cried? Today

I tag: Darrah, Cheryl, Ann Marie and Dale